


Don't think of me.

by Breeshark



Series: Are You Mine? [2]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Cunnilingus, Drinking, Dubious Consent, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fingering, First Time Sex, Friends to Lovers, Loss of Virginity, More tags as I add chapers, Oral Sex, Past Abuse, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Child Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-07
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 02:31:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 23,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12026253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breeshark/pseuds/Breeshark
Summary: Lapis' side of the story Are you Mine?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I just couldn't wait to post this. I know a lot of you have been waiting for Lapis' POV. Well here it is. 
> 
> Please leave any comments or questions below.

Lapis turned the music up as she drove the rented pickup truck through the campus of her new school, Beach City University. The entire trip here from her home town of Jersey she listened to 90s grunge bands that were experts in capturing pain. She was leaving a whole lot of pain behind. But that was back in Jersey not here. Beach City itself had a large expansive beach hence the name. She knew she’d have to find an excuse to get out there some time and swim in the ocean. She saw the dorm she’d been staying in and pulled into the parking lot. Her Resident Assistant said she’d be waiting outside with someone to help with the moving. 

Lapis sat in the truck still listening to her music unsure about everything up to this point. Why did she want to go to college? She enjoyed learning sure but more than that it was the escape she needed. With the scholarship she got it paid for her dorm and tuition, she just had to perform well on the swimming team. Expectations were already weighing down on her. She was expected to keep a 2.5 GPA the bare minimum, she was expected to go to class every day, and she was expected to survive on her own. It was too much and she craved the cigarettes she used to sneak from Aquamarine. The smell, the bitter taste it burned through her nostrils and scorched her throat, how she missed that bittersweet pain. 

She looked at the tiny digital clock on the dashboard noon, it was time. She didn’t have much with her. Just a few things she was able to buy on her own or some that was given to her. She turned the truck off and opened the door; the air in Beach City was so much cleaner than Jersey and had the slight scent of the ocean on it. It felt comforting, maybe it could be home. She walked over to the front of the building where a young thin woman stood on her tip toes scanning the area. Her hair was short and reddish in color her eyes big and blue and her nose was pointy. This, Lapis assumed, must be her Resident Assistant the woman she had been texting for the last week. 

The woman caught her eye and grinned showing off perfect white teeth that shinned in the harsh daylight. “Lapis? Lapis Lazuli?” She asked her voice had a light lit to it high pitched. 

“Yeah,” Lapis rubbed the back of her neck and wished she didn’t wear a flannel shirt the first day. It was scorching hot. “Pearl?” 

“Yes!” Pearl exclaimed she clasped her hands together. “We are so excited to have you here. These dorms are quite excellent. Oh! I got some help for your things.” Pearl put up one finger and then opened the door to the dorms and called out to two people. “Amethyst, Jasper come help. She’s here.” 

Pearl came back and smiled once again at Lapis. Why was she so happy? It was hotter than hell outside and they’d all have to start carrying boxes. Stupid, Lapis decided the woman in front of her was stupid. The doors to the dorm opened and a large muscle bound woman stepped out with a shorter woman in tow who was eating a bag of chips. The large woman had something Lapis had only read about vitiligo or something like that, her bronze skin was marred by white stripes of bleached color. For anyone else it would be jarring but this woman wore it with pride. She didn’t hide her body she wore a sleeveless shirt and gym shorts that showed off more of her bleached skin. The woman had long silky beige colored hair that was worn up she had her arms crossed over her chest and a stern look on her face. 

“Lapis, this is Jasper.” Pearl pointed to the large woman who just grunted in response. Lapis nodded she didn’t say hi, she knew it’d be wasted on someone who wasn’t impressed by pretty words. Jasper seemed the type to respect actions and until Lapis proved herself she’d never have the woman’s respect. 

The other woman the shorter one who was busy stuffing her face had lilac colored hair that was long enough to go down her back and almost reach her butt. “Yo! What’s up?” The woman said she waved a chips stained hand at Lapis and laughed. “The name is Amethyst.” 

Lapis gave a weak half smile. She couldn’t force some lie onto herself not after a lifetime of lying. She wanted to be honest. She didn’t know these women but they were there to help. So they couldn’t be too bad. 

“Lapis while they get your things and put them in your room I will show you around the dorm. Sound good?” Pearl asked. 

“Sure.” Lapis replied. It didn’t sound bad but good that was pushing it. 

*******************************

Lapis groaned she was exhausted from talking to people and smiling and faking so much. She was glad to finally be in her own room. Her roommate that she was only sharing a bathroom with was nowhere to be found. That suited Lapis just fine. Pearl had warned her that her roommate was strange and rather socially distant. 

It was about 9:30 and would the perfect time to take a shower then tuck in with a good book and go to bed. Lapis grabbed her towel and marched into the shared bathroom. Still no sign of her roommate except the fact she kept things messy. The sink counter was covered in various hair gels as well as other essentials. A pile of discarded jeans were grouped up in the middle of the floor. Lapis set her towel down and turned the shower on. She stepped in and quickly saw her roommate had also taken over the shower as well. Shampoo and soaps huddled in one corner and a loofa in the other. Lapis forgot to put her own shower things away and figured she’d just borrow her roommate’s stuff. She squeezed the shampoo into her hand it smelled sweet like berries or something else that would make your teeth hurt if you ate too much of. Beggars couldn’t be choosers so she used the sickly sweet smelling shampoo and began washing her hair. 

She dyed her hair last a few weeks ago and no more blue leaked from washing it. She hummed to herself as she set to work cleaning herself off with her roommate’s bathroom supplies. She finished washing off and stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around herself. As soon as she had wrapped it around herself the door opened and a woman barged in. 

“Oh my god!” Lapis screamed in surprise. The woman went to back up but she tripped over a discarded pair of jeans she tumbled to the ground her glasses falling off her face and clattering to the tile floor. The woman tried to look up and Lapis promptly put a foot on her head forcing it back down. Was this woman some kind of pervert trying to sneak a peek? 

“Don’t look up! I’m naked…I…Who are you?” Lapis asked hurriedly she wanted answers now. She dug foot into the blonde’s head and she pushed herself up and closed her eyes. 

“My eyes are closed, besides I can’t see a thing without my glasses.” The woman said. Lapis checked and her eyes were closed. Lapis bent down and picked up the woman’s glasses and touched the woman’s hand to give her glasses back. “Are you my roommate?” She asked. She remembered what Pearl said about her roommate being odd. “The RA said you were a little odd but I didn’t think you were a pervert…” 

The woman took her glasses and huffed out a response, “I am not a pervert! This was my bathroom until just a few hours ago.” She put her glasses back on but kept her eyes firmly shut.

“Don’t you knock?” Lapis asked. What sort of fool didn’t knock? 

“Don’t you lock doors?” The woman shot back. 

Lapis couldn’t think of a proper response so she set to work putting her bed clothes on. The woman sitting on the floor was short. She has skinny arms and legs she wore a black hoodie and jeans. Her blonde hair was sticking up on the top and slightly on the sides. She’s cute. Once she was clothed she stifled a laugh “You can open your eyes now, pervert.” 

The woman opened her eyes to take in Lapis. Lapis held her hand out, “Lapis Lazuli.” 

The woman took the hand and Lapis pulled her up off the floor. “Of course, I am Peridot.” 

Peridot, that’s a sweet name. Peridot’s lips were slightly chapped and Lapis focused in on them. “No last name?” Lapis asked. Peridot suddenly yanked her hand back. “No. Just Peridot, my surname is none of your business.” 

What was with this girl? She’s suddenly all secretive? Lapis rolled her eyes, “You’ve seen me naked. Didn’t even take me on a date first and I don’t get to know your last name?” 

“Is sarcasm all you know?” Peridot eyed Lapis with bright green eyes. “I suppose since we will be sharing this bathroom I will tell you my surname. But this is between us I don’t tell many this lightly. I have a large responsibility and my surname caries that weight.” Peridot droned on. 

Oh god she’s full of herself. Lapis knew exactly how to handle this she yawned in feigned boredom, “Oh you’re looking at me. My turn to talk?” 

“Tch, I’m Peridot Diamond.” Peridot waited for a breath. 

Lapis had never hear of Diamond before. Was it some powerful family here in town?

“Is that supposed to be something I know? Is that like a Beach City name or something? I just moved here.” Lapis replied she ran a hand through her soaking wet hair and then shook it out getting Peridot wet. 

“Ugh, keep your water to yourself!” Peridot hissed. 

“Are you going to melt?” Lapis joked shaking more water out of her hair. Oh it was fun to tease Peridot. The way her mouth screwed up and her eyes narrowed. Too fun. 

Peridot closed the distance to the door leading back to her room “You may have won this battle but I will win the war!” 

Lapis couldn’t help but laugh. Oh the little thing thought she was a threat. Lapis held her sides as she laughed and laughed. That small woman thought she scared Lapis. What a joke. Oh, Peridot would be fun to play with. Lapis realized quickly.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis messes with Peridot just a little bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is a thirsty hoe. Haha and mean. 
> 
> Please leave any comments or questions below they always inspire me to keep writing. :)

Lapis checked the time on her phone, 11am. She had about half an hour to get ready and meet with Pearl and Peridot to go over a resident agreement. Lapis grabbed her makeup bag and decided to set to work. She walked into the bathroom not giving a second thought if Peridot was in there. It would only be fair if she caught the blonde naked. Lapis wondered if those freckles were all over Peridot’s pale body. Lapis laughed to herself, she would never date someone like Peridot. Not seriously. Peridot clearly couldn’t protect her, or even herself. No she needed someone who was strong to hang on to incase Aquamarine or Topaz ever tried to go after her. She looked into the mirror and started at her reflection. 

Love is just a sick and cruel joke. She’d do what she needed to in order to survive. It didn’t matter what she had to give up in order to survive. She’d given up so much more before. No, Peridot just wouldn’t do. Even if the blonde was cute she couldn’t do a damn thing against someone like Topaz. 

Lapis brought the eyeliner up to her eye and was set on getting to work. A tentative knock sounded. “You can come in. I’m not naked this time. What a shame, right?” Lapis taunted. She could just imagine the face Peridot was making, scrunching up that cute nose. 

Peridot barged in almost smacking into Lapis making her hand jar and her eye liner went down her face. “Damn…” She turned around. “I didn’t think you’d run in here, couldn’t get enough of me?” 

Peridot began to blush redness coloring her pale freckled cheeks. Lapis bit her lip. Damn she was cute. Peridot wore a gray tank top and a pair of boxers. Lapis could see just how pale Peridot was and the freckles went down her legs as well. “I need to use this!” Peridot pointed to the toilet. 

Oh this would be fun. How much could she push her pet? “I’ve got to do my eye liner over now. Can’t you wait?” Lapis grabbed a washcloth and wetted it before setting to work removing the line on her face. 

“No” Peridot hissed she clutched her abdomen. “I will die.” Peridot began to do a little jig bouncing from one foot to the other. Lapis could watch that for hours, it made Peridot’s small but perky chest bounce. 

Lazuli huffed out a fake sigh, “I’ll turn the other way so just go. I have somewhere I need to be.” That wasn’t the complete truth. Sure she had someone to be but it didn’t matter if she had her makeup done or not. She just enjoyed watching Peridot squirm. 

“If you do not leave this bathroom now, I will pee on this floor.” Peridot threatened. Lapis let out a laugh, this girl is a riot. Lapis raised her hands in surrender, “Fine, fine.”  
Lapis eyed the room that led to Peridot’s room. This was the perfect opportunity to see how Peridot lived. She imagined it was as cluttered as the bathroom was. Lapis walked through the door with Peridot shouting about something. 

“Oh my god, she’s a total nerd.” Lapis squealed in delight. This Peridot got better and better. She had posters of video games and movies that only losers saw. Her bedsheets had little green alien heads decorating them. Clearly neon green bulbous headed aliens were a recurring theme in Peridot’s room. She had a pillow, a plush of a green alien with a top hat, a blanket with more of the little green men. 

Peridot walked back into her room and glared at Lapis clearly annoyed. 

“This is so nerdy!” Lazuli exclaimed. “I love it.” 

“You watch Camp Pining Hearts?” Lapis picked up Peridot’s statue of Percy. She wasn’t a fan of that character he was so whinny. “I haven’t caught up to it yet. I was trying to wait for the English Dub.” She hadn’t watched the show in forever not since she was able to sneak a dvd of it into her room back home. Aquamarine was pissed when that happened. 

"Yes, well. Lazuli, this is my room.” Peridot said. Oh no, Peridot was not going to kick her out. Lapis wandered over to another figurine this one she didn’t recognize. “Hey! Stop touching my things with your…touch stumps!” 

Lapis giggled at that comment. Peridot had zero social skills, that was fine with Lapis. She hated socializing. “Alright fine. Oh did you get the E-mail from Pearl? We have to meet her in like ten minutes to go over our roommate contract.” 

“No…” Peridot looked down at her attire. “I need to change, and shower.” 

“Go right ahead, but I need the mirror.” Lapis raised an eyebrow. “Maybe now we will be even.” Oh that would be rich, seeing Peridot naked. Lapis had to restrain herself from licking her lips. 

Lapis turned around and went into the bathroom with a sway to her hips. Maybe she could tempt Peridot to come join her. After a few minutes she sighed the blonde wasn’t taking the bait. What a shame. It would’ve been fun to show that prude a thing or two. Lapis went back to getting ready for the meeting. She knew exactly what to tell Pearl.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis meets with Pearl, and then sees a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for waiting so patiently for updates. 
> 
> Here is some more! (I loveeee writing in Lapis' POV) 
> 
> Please leave any comments or questions below I love responding :)

Lapis knocked on Pearl’s door and the lithe RA opened it with a soft smile. “Please come in and sit. The tea is ready.” Pearl walked back to the electric tea kettle she had and began pouring two cups. Lapis was never a fan of tea, if she was drinking anything bitter it better be coffee and give her a boost. It was the same with liquor it burned but the after effects were worth it. Tea just didn’t give her anything in return. 

Lapis took a seat at the small white wood table. It could comfortably seat two but three would be pushing it. Lapis grinned to herself maybe she’d share a seat with Peridot. Having the small blonde on her lap would make this meeting worthwhile. Pearl took the seat across from Lapis and set down a tea cup in front of her. Lapis faked a smile and took a small sip of the bitter liquid, fuck it was gross. She bit down a grimace and set the cup back down to look at Pearl. 

“How are you getting along with Peridot? I know she’s a little eccentric…” Pearl asked and then added her own opinion of Peridot. 

Lapis felt a tiny bit of anger bubble up. How dare Pearl make such assumptions of Peridot? The girl was a mess but a cute mess. “Perfect, she’s very kind and sharing.” 

Pearl stood up and grabbed the teapot and another cup presumably for Peridot. Lapis couldn’t imagine the blonde liking anything that tasted so bitter. Peridot was a sugar addict, judging by the endless Mountain Dew cans in her garbage. Pearl sat down in one fluid movement like a dancer. “Funny, I would’ve thought she’d be a little hard to get along with.” Another biting remark. “But I’m proud of her for being kind to you. It’s hard for her to open up.” 

Just as Lapis was about to give Pearl a taste of her own medicine Peridot walked in her hair soaking wet and sticking to the sides of her face. 

“Peridot, we were waiting for you. Would you like some tea?” Pearl offered gesturing the unused teacup. 

Peridot sat down across from Lapis and next to Pearl, “No. I just want to get this over with.” 

Lapis took a sip from her cup of tea to hide her smirk, “I was just telling Pearl about how we’ve been getting along.” Peridot really did speak her mind sometimes.

“I’m so glad to hear you are adjusting well, Peridot. I was more than worried you wouldn’t be able to handle a roommate. Oh, I’m so proud of you.” Pearl went on. “I’ll have to tell Garnet she’ll tell me I told you so and I shouldn’t have worried but how could you not?” 

Peridot shot a glare at Lapis. Lapis just shrugged and gave the blonde a wink. Peridot was clearly not expecting Lapis to speak so highly of her. 

“I…I don’t think…” Peridot began stumbling through her words. That fire she had was lost now. Before Peridot could finish her scrambling the door burst open. That muscle bound woman stood in the doorway, Jasper wasn’t it? “Uh, sorry to interrupt but Amethyst has food poisoning. She’s asking for you.” 

Pearl hopped up, “Again! What did she eat now?” Pearl fled the room. Amethyst was the other woman who helped her, the one Pearl made secret eyes at. Jasper looked Lapis over and then glanced at Peridot. 

Lapis decided to have some fun. She wondered if Peridot got jealous. “Oh it’s you!” Lapis batted her eyelashes and gave a sexy smile, “I wanted to thank you for helping me move in. I don’t have any family in the area to help. It meant a lot to me.” 

Jasper blushed and began fidgeting with the bottom of her muscle shirt. “Yeah, no problem.” This large woman got embarrassed easily? Oh, why were the people around here so much fun? 

“Let me treat you to dinner sometime,” Lapis offered. Then I’ll treat you to something else to eat. Lapis didn’t say that last part however instead she glanced at Peridot who looked positively disgusted. 

Peridot stood up trying to escape. Lapis wasn’t going to make it easy. “Where are you going?” She asked. 

“I’m going back to my room. This is pointless.” Peridot didn’t say another word as she pushed past Jasper. Jasper looked annoyed and was ready to chase after Peridot. 

“So, dinner?” Lapis distracted. No one was allowed to touch her, Peridot. “Know anywhere good to eat?” 

Jasper grinned like an idiot practically drooling, “Yeah! I know a few. How about tomorrow night?” 

“It’s a date,” Lapis stood up and brushed past Jasper making sure her breasts rubbed across Jasper’s thick arm. “I’ll see you then.” 

Now to find Peridot, the blonde had probably retreated back to her fortress of solitude. Going through the front door wasn’t going to work, Peridot would ignore it. So Lapis went into her own room. She smoothed her hair and went into the bathroom checking her makeup quick before giving a gentle knock on the door that led to Peridot’s room. 

Peridot was making a fit about it on the other side of the door but she opened it and let Lapis in. It smelled like ramen noodles in the room and Lapis eyed the source sitting on Peridot’s mini fridge. Lapis sat down in Peridot’s fancy computer chair. “Are you mad at me?” Lapis asked she already knew the answer. Peridot was easy to read. 

“No. Why would I be? You only invade my space and my life.” Peridot snapped she crossed her arms over her chest. 

Lapis swung her legs and thought of the best response to make Peridot feel bad. “I am only trying to make a friend. Sorry I’m not very good at it.” Lapis faked her sadness and hoped for Peridot’s pity. “I didn’t have a lot of friends where I’m from.” 

“I didn’t have a lot of friends either before coming here.” Peridot replied looking shocked at her own answer. 

Lapis gave a weak smile, “Two peas in a pod, huh?” She held her hand out, “Let’s start over. I am Lapis Lazuli and I want to be your friend.” Or more than that…

Peridot looked at Lapis’ hand before grabbing it with her pale one, “Peridot…Peridot Diamond, I would also like to be your friend.” 

Lapis grinned, she had won. Now to go back to her previous plan of attack, “Are you friends with Jasper?” 

Peridot nodded she walked over to her cup of noodles and she sat on the edge of the bed, “Why?” 

“She’s hot.” Lapis gave a fake giggle. Come on Peridot, take the bait. 

“I suppose her body is in peak physical form.” Peridot didn’t take the bait she was much better at this friend thing than Lapis thought. 

“Tell me everything you know.” Lapis tucked her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them placing her head on her knees. “Go on then.” Lapis figured she might as well get some information. 

Peridot spoke while she ate her noodles. Various bits of information, nothing about the person just the surface of things. Is that as far as Peridot ever went? Just grazing the surface of people never looking past that simple façade. Lapis fiddled with a strand of blue hair and she let Peridot talk. She loved listening the slightly nasally voice with naturally cockiness. Lapis would nod when appropriate but she had stopped listening. Instead she watched the way Peridot ate her noodles. She’d spin her fork using her spoon for support before bringing the food to her lips. 

Lapis stared at Peridot’s lips. They were chapped but Lapis imagined they would feel nice against her own. Peridot would be hesitant, inexperienced. Lapis would take the lead and press her lips to Peridot’s before slipping her tongue inside. She bet Peridot tasted sweet like the junk she ate. Lapis fantasied until Peridot was waving her goodbye and wishing her luck on her date. Lapis walked back into her room still pondering the way Peridot would taste.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis goes on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really enjoy writing Lapis' POV. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and please leave any comments or questions below. I love reading and responding. :)

Lapis went into the bathroom to put her makeup on. She could hear Peridot cursing at something. Lapis decided to peep her head in. She opened the door to Peridot’s room but the girl was oblivious she was staring at the computer screen with a pair of headphones on. “Come on! Where is my defense?” Peridot shouted. 

Peridot grabbed for her Monster energy drink and chugged it before her hands went flying back to the keyboard. “Don’t you fucking dare shit talk me, Genji! We are defending why are you a Genji on defense? Fuck you I’m a Mercy you need me.” 

Lapis liked this side of Peridot she was brash, crude, and downright rude. She’d be lying if she said it didn’t turn her on. Peridot could be a master of dirty talk with that language. Lapis realized she had a date to get ready for and Peridot would have to wait for now. “Scrubs all of you!” Was the last thing Peridot said before Lapis closed the door and went back to the mirror. 

Lapis took her time applying her makeup making sure nothing was out of place. Eyeliner perfection and lipstick on point, all of it a net to capture her prey. Jasper was the perfect girlfriend, strong and intimidating. She’d be able to go toe to toe with Topaz and keep Lapis safe. It was an unfortunate situation, she preferred her women cute like Peridot not muscular and hot. Peridot made Lapis’ chest flutter with the way she spoke and how she dressed. Everything about her roommate was attractive. A knock to her door and Lapis realized it was time. She’d go on this date seal the deal and be safe. Safety took precedent over desire. 

Lapis rushed to the door and let Jasper in. The woman wore a leather jacket with a plain white shirt underneath. It accentuated her bronze skin, it’s funny her skin color was almost the same as Malachite’s. Lapis couldn’t afford to think of her sister not now. Jasper smiled, “You look beautiful.” She was kind, sweet even. In one hand she held roses, blue roses. “I thought you might have a thing for blue, you know because of the hair.” Jasper held out the roses and Lapis took them with a big smile. She had never been given flowers before let alone roses in her favorite color. 

“Let me find something to put them in!” Lapis was so excited, something that was all hers a gift with no expectation. 

Jasper smiled and stepped past the threshold. Lapis finally found a cup that was large enough to accommodate the roses for now. She’d have to find a vase. Lapis ran into the bathroom to fill the cup with water and give the roses some water to drink up. She set the makeshift vase down by her bedside table. 

“Thank you! Jasper, it means a lot.” Lapis said and for once she wasn’t lying or pretending to like something to spare someone else’s feelings. 

Jasper blushed and messed with the edge of her leather jacket. “You’re welcome. Are you ready? This place is really good, I hope you like Greek.” 

“I’ve never have it, should be fun.” Lapis held her hand out and Jasper took it in hers. They walked to the parking lot like that hand in hand. Jasper led her to an old school Harley Davidson. Jasper was the complete opposite of Peridot, cool and sexy where Peridot was nerdy and adorable. Jasper helped Lapis straddle the motorcycle. 

“Make sure to hold on tight and let me know if I’m going too fast.” Jasper said. She took the goggles on the handle of her motorcycle and put them on. Lapis wrapped her arms around Jasper’s waist and leaned in close pressing her cheek to Jasper’s cool leather jacket. 

Lapis loved the way the wind whipped her hair she liked the feeling of having this freedom. It was almost like flying down the roads with each slick turn Jasper made. It made her heart beat faster and her adrenaline pound. She wanted to free her hands and feel the breeze against them but she wasn’t suicidal and imagined falling would be an unfortunate affair. 

The ride was way too short before they arrived in front of a little Greek restaurant. Jasper helped her off the motorcycle and took her goggles off. “Was that okay?” Jasper asked. So she needed reassurance, constant checking to make sure she was doing okay. That was easy enough, Lapis decided. 

“Of course, you kept me safe.” Lapis said with a fake giggle and a light touch to Jasper’s arm. The woman blushed yet again and grinned. Jasper took Lapis’ hand and led her to the restaurant holding the door for her. Lapis couldn’t remember the last time she went to a restaurant, maybe when Aquamarine first acquired her. Her memories were fuzzy when it came to those times. A hostess seated them and Lapis sat across from Jasper in a booth. She opened the menu and it was all Greek to her. The names were in Greek and the descriptions were vague. 

“Can you help me order?” Lapis asked looking over her menu. 

“Yeah, sure.” Jasper leaned forward and looked at the menu. “What do you like?” 

Lapis didn’t know. She hadn’t tried much food in her lifetime, what little was provided for her was simple and required no effort. She just didn’t know where to start. “I like just about anything, what do you get?”

“I love the Moussaka, it’s really good.” Jasper replied. “The Moussaka it is, then.” Lapis said. 

Jasper talked and asked her questions and Lapis carefully avoided and redirected the questions back to Jasper. It was a little dance of back and forth. She gave nothing in return for the information Jasper gave her. Their dinner was pleasant, but Lapis was thinking about someone else. She couldn’t get that stupid blonde out of her mind. What was Peridot doing now? Playing her video games and eating ramen noodles? Maybe she was re-watching Camp Pining Hearts? The endless possibilities that Peridot provided were much more interesting then the bland behavior of Jasper. Jasper was predictable there was no hidden depths to her, she was simple. Peridot however had an endless ocean of depth behind her, that girl had seen things. Lapis could tell by the sadness that sometimes escaped into her light green eyes. 

Lapis was so lost in her own thoughts she didn’t even remember how she’d gotten back to her dorm with Jasper hovering over her. Was she waiting for a goodbye kiss? The last person Lapis had kissed was Aquamarine. It was about time she rinsed the taste of her lips. She stood on her tip toes and put a hand on Jasper’s shoulder. She gave her date a chaste kiss that would leave her wanting more. She couldn’t give it all away at once, that would leave her with no leverage. 

“Thank you for tonight, it was lovely.” Lapis sighed but smiled. 

“Anytime,” Jasper responded and then waved goodbye before returning to her own room. 

Lapis sat down on her beanbag chair. Why was she wishing it was Peridot she kissed? The blonde had nothing on Jasper, absolutely nothing. But wasn’t that so much more enticing, to be with someone and expect nothing from them except affection. “Don’t be an idiot, Lapis.” Lapis told herself. “Love doesn’t exist and affection is just a tool to get what you want.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Jasper do something....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just saying fooled you guys. :o 
> 
> Please leave any comments or questions below and I have a feeling there will be a lot of them. :P

It took little no time at all for Lapis to seal the deal with Jasper. A few more dates and more kisses and the muscle bound woman was hers. She had gone to Peridot to taunt the blonde talking about how wonderful Jasper was and how thankful she was Peridot helped them get together. Peridot had put on a fake smile and nodded in agreement saying congratulations. The boring response, didn’t Peridot feel even a little bit jealous? 

Lapis leaned back against Jasper’s bed while Jasper sat on the floor doing arm curls with a huge weight bigger than Lapis’ head. “How long have you known Peridot?” Lapis asked. 

Jasper set her weight down and looked over at Lapis. “That is about the millionth question you’ve asked me about the pipsqueak. Do you have a thing for her?” 

Lapis had made a serious misjudgment. She thought Jasper was some stupid muscle head but apparently she had been listening. “Don’t be ridiculous, Peridot and me, what a joke.” Lapis feigned a laugh. Jasper didn’t buy it. 

“You can tell me the truth. I mean I see the way you look at her. It’s the same way a wolf looks at a lamb.” Jasper commented she didn’t seem bothered by it. “I prefer the truth.” 

“I don’t know what I feel. I just want her to want me.” Lapis groaned finally admitting it. “I hate the way she makes me feel, I can’t…” Lapis broke down the weight of it all collapsing. “I…there are bad people in my life Jasper, they want to hurt me and I saw you…you could protect me…” Lapis was letting it all out now. “I thought if we were together you’d be obligated to keep me safe.” 

Jasper picked her weight back up and did reps as she listened. “Peridot she couldn’t provide that for me…it doesn’t matter how attracted to her I am.” Lapis finished she wanted to run back to her room and hide. 

“Lapis, if you asked me I would keep you safe, as a friend.” Jasper sighed but then she set her weight down with a thunk. “So you want that little dork, do you?” 

“Maybe…” Lapis replied still unsure herself. 

“I’ll help you if you help me. I’ve got an annoying ex and if she thinks I’m with someone she’ll leave me alone. I’ll help you get Peridot and you will fake being my girlfriend. Sound like a deal?” Jasper asked. 

What the actual fuck. Jasper had some hidden depths after all. Who was this mysterious ex of hers? “Will your ex try to hurt me?” Lapis wanted some conformation. “No she’s just in love with me and I’m not with her, oh and don’t ask who it is I can’t tell you.” 

Lapis weighed her options. This was a good plan. Jasper got what she wanted and Lapis would get what she wanted. It was an equal exchange, she wasn’t loosing anything. “Sure, we have a deal.” 

Jasper stood up and shook Lapis’ hand. “Just so you know, Peridot does get jealous but she’ll never admit it. I have an idea of how to make her green with envy.” 

*****************

Lapis didn’t like this plan that much it brought back painful memories that she couldn’t share with Jasper so she stuck with the plan. “This plan sucks.” Lapis sighed as the reached her bedroom door. “Trust me.” Jasper responded. 

Lapis opened the door to her room and began to giggle like Jasper told her to, Jasper chuckled.

“Lapis…” Jasper faked a moan, “Can I touch you?” 

“No, I want to touch you.” Lapis responded. Jasper gave her a look that said ‘what the fuck you are off script’ Lapis didn’t follow anyone’s script not anymore. “Don’t touch me unless I tell you, do you understand?” 

Jasper shook her head but played along. “I understand,” Jasper mewled “Take what you want from me.” 

“I intend to.” Lapis replied and then Jasper walked over to the mattress and plopped onto it making it groan. 

“Take your clothes off, give me a show.” Lapis used that same voice she did when she tried to bribe Peridot that one time. Seductive and husky even Jasper blushed. 

Jasper ruffled the sheets on the bed making a false clothing being removed sound. Jasper then blew a soft raspberry into her hand making a kissing sound. Lapis had to stifle a laugh at the faces Jasper made. 

“My god, Jasper you are so wet.” Lapis feigned shock. 

The sound of the bathroom door being closed didn’t go unnoticed between them. Peridot had been in the bathroom listening the entire time. Jasper raised her hand and Lapis met it in a high-five. “Mission accomplished! Do you have any food over here?” Jasper asked. Lapis pulled out some cookies she got the other day and handed them over.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis hears a weird noise in Peridot's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated too much today. I've been busy taking down hurricane shutters and clearing debris. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy 
> 
> Posting this on all my stories to hopefully hit our milestones sooner. :) 
> 
> Are You Mine- Exciting news: 
> 
> So this story has really taken off and I thought I should do something for the story and for everyone who is reading it. I decided to commission some artist if they are willing to do some art from a chapter of Are You Mine that you guys vote on. Once we reach each of the set milestones. If the artist rejects the commission I will try to find another one who will take it. But seeing as the ones I picked out are Lapidot shippers I think we will be okay.
> 
> At either 350 kudos or 8,000 hits I will commission @treker402
> 
> At either 450 kudos or 9,000 hits I will commission @anushbanush
> 
> Finally at Either 550 Kudos or 10,000 hits I will commission @dement09 and @ikimaru
> 
> (Artists that I linked if you are uncomfortable with this please let me know and I will take your name off this list. Thank you.)
> 
> Spread the word and hopefully we can get hit these milestones and then vote on what scenes we want.

Lapis was watching Peridot again the girl talked in her sleep and said some interesting things. Sure what she was doing was creepy but Peridot should lock her door if she didn’t want intruders. Besides Lapis was just checking on her. Suddenly Peridot phone rang and Lapis jumped she closed the bathroom door and backed up pressing her ear to the door. 

It sounded like something fell, was that Peridot? It was followed by the sound of glass shattering. Lapis wanted to rush in but she had to wait a little bit so it didn’t seem like she was just behind the other door. 

“What!” Peridot shouted. 

“Sorry I just was having a um bad dream.” Peridot said this time calmer, “Can I call you back later.” 

Perfect time to go in, Lapis burst into Peridot’s rom and surged forward to investigate the situation. “Are you okay? I heard something break.” Lapis walked over to Peridot and crouched down next to the bleary eyed blonde. A broken cup lay on the floor. “Oh a cup broke.” Lapis picked up a piece of the ceramic mug. 

Peridot was squinting at Lapis the poor thing didn’t have her glasses on. Lapis reached for Peridot’s glasses and handed over the round frames to the blonde. Peridot gratefully put them back on. “That’s my ramen cup!” Peridot cried out and reached for the broken cup. Lapis put a hand on Peridot’s shoulder stopping the blonde, she was warm. 

“Let me grab a broom and clean this, you don’t want to get cut.” Lapis knew were everything in Peridot’s room was, from her endless watching. Lapis grabbed a broom and dustpan in the corner and set to work. She kept an eye on Peridot making sure the woman stayed still. “So what happened?” Lapis finally asked. 

Peridot paused and looked up as if the ceiling had the answer, “I was having a dream and oh…Just forget it.” Now Lapis wanted to know. She finished sweeping and emptied the cup remnants into the trashcan. “I have bad dreams too sometimes, I’m sure you’ve heard me before.” 

Lapis crouched back down next to Peridot “Let me look at your head, make sure you didn’t bust it open.” 

Lapis had to keep her cool while she ran her fingers through Peridot’s soft blonde locks. She was gentle as she looked at the back of Peridot’s head. She didn’t see any bumps. She guessed the egg head is safe. “Nothing there, do you feel okay?” Lapis’ massaged Peridot’s scalp reveling in the feeling of her hands in Peridot’s hair. “I mean you are hard headed.” 

“I’m fine, adequate.” Peridot replied she leaned into the touch urging Lapis on. 

“Want me to stay?” Lapis asked she looked into Peridot’s eyes. Please say yes, please say yes, she said over and over in her head. 

“If it is not too much trouble,” Peridot pushed her glasses higher on the bridge of her pointed nose. “We can catch up on Camp Pining Hearts. You are still behind, correct?” 

“Yeah,” Lapis regretfully pulled fingers out of Peridot’s hair and stood up helping Peridot up. Peridot went to her backpack on the floor and pulled out her laptop. Peridot took the laptop and sat down on the bed leaning on the pillows. She started to look through the laptop. Lapis wasn’t hesitant she got up on the bed and sat down next to Peridot, it was a tight squeeze on the thin bed and their hips touched. Lapis could feel Peridot’s bare legs on her own warm and toasty. Lapis scooted down and put her head on Peridot’s shoulder, Peridot smelled so good and sweet. Peridot shifted the laptop so it rested on both of their thighs as the episode began. Lapis had never felt this feeling before. Her chest was fluttering and her cheeks felt hot. Everything about them sitting like this made her heart beat pound till she felt it in her ears. 

Peridot seemed so different when she wasn’t talking she had a serious look about her face. Her chapped were turned down into a frown, and she brought her thumb to her mouth the chew her cuticles. A nasty habit but on Peridot it was endearing. Lapis decided the best part of being so close to Peridot was she was able to count the freckles that dusted her cheeks. She lost count at a hundred. Peridot looked over at her briefly her light green eyes suspicious. She always was so warry when Lapis was near her. Lapis couldn’t put her finger on it but it was almost as if Peridot was questioning Lapis’ motives. Good for her, Lapis thought, she’s right to question, my motives are nothing good.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis plays a game with Peridot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another updated I'm trying to crank a few out of this story and hopefully one of Are You Mine? I leave on Friday for a wedding and won't be back home till late on Monday. Tomorrow I will most likely be packing and getting my wife packed. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and please leave a comment or question below I love seeing and answering them. :)

Peridot had fallen asleep a few hours ago curled up and her back resting against Lapis’ thigh. Lapis had stopped watching the episode and was instead watching the way Peridot’s chest rose and fell with each breath. The way her lips twitched as she mumbled nonsense to herself. It was adorable. Lapis turned back to the laptop to see what had gone on since she was watching Peridot. 

“Lapis, you’re so wet and warm…” Peridot half moaned in her sleep. Lapis almost fell out of the bed. She looked back at Peridot who was now currently sucking on two of her fingers. Holy fucking shit, is she dreaming about me? About fucking me? Lapis thoughts were racing. “I can make that dream a reality.” Lapis leaned down intent to make Peridot’s dreams come true when the blonde woke up with a start and Lapis had to quickly pretend she was watching the show. Lapis could feel a bead of sweat drip down her neck as Peridot looked around fingers still in her mouth. 

“I didn’t want to wake you.” Lapis managed to say. Peridot saw Lapis was looking and she quickly removed the fingers from her mouth. “I…thank you.” She wiped the fingers off on the bed sheet. 

Lapis reached over and handed Peridot’s glasses back, “Here.” Peridot took them and pushed herself up. Peridot looked around the room clearly still half asleep, “I can’t believe I slept so long.” 

“I was keeping an eye on you, I know you aren’t supposed to sleep after a head injury but you just looked so cute. How could I wake you?” Lapis mused with a grin. That ought to get her blood pumping, Lapis watched to see Peridot’s reaction. Nothing the blonde gave her no reaction. Lapis decided to try a new tactic. “I should go now though, Jasper might get worried.” Lapis closed the laptop and pushed it down to the end of the bed. 

“Jasper will be fine…and I feel a little sick. Could you stay longer?” Peridot sounded desperate so wonderfully desperate. Score! Lapis had to yuck it up a bit more. Lapis nibbled on her bottom lip and fidgeted with the bottom of her shirt, pretending to struggle with making a decision. “We were supposed to grab dinner together.”  
Peridot looked crestfallen. “I guess I can go to the clinic and have Pearl drive me to campus.” She said in a small pathetic voice and Lapis would do anything for her if she used that voice. 

Lapis groaned faking annoyance and ruffled Peridot’s blonde hair that was all out of place. “Ugh, fine. But you owe me dinner.” Lapis got up from the bed and went to turn on some lights. It was only fair to make Peridot think she won when in reality the true victor was Lapis. 

“I’ll order us a pizza to share.” Peridot replied she was excited it came through in her voice. Lapis stretched her arms over her head it pulled at her shirt and exposed the tan skin of her stomach and a dangling navel piercing. If that didn’t tempt Peridot she had no idea what would. Still nothing from Peridot, damn it. Is this girl a fucking saint? Lapis decided to play a little more. “Lemme call Jasper.” Lapis left through the shared bathroom. She didn’t actually leave the bathroom though she just opened the door and closed it.  


Lapis pressed her ear to the door, hoping Peridot would say something. Nothing! Lapis was ready to start tossing things around it was so infuriating the way Peridot didn’t react. She sighed and decided to return. “It better be good pizza. Hey are you asleep again?!” 

Peridot was laying on the bed again before quickly getting up, “No! Just um…you know resting. It is the best pizza Fish Pizza.” 

“Ew…fish pizza?” Did Peridot have no taste either? Lapis would suffer through it, if it meant she’d spend time with the blonde. 

“It’s just the name. It’s good pizza. The best in Beach City!” Peridot proclaimed like a spokesperson, “You’ll see, me and Amethyst order from there all the time.” 

Lapis shrugged, was Peridot close with Amethyst? That wouldn’t do, “Okay. I trust you. But I want pineapple.” 

Peridot wrinkled her nose at that. “Gross, who wants pineapple on pizza? That’s just ruining a good pizza!” 

Lapis put her hands on her hips and stuck her tongue out quickly forgetting Amethyst. “You have no taste. Do half pineapple and half what you want.” 

Peridot agreed and placed the order on her phone. Peridot had to go downstairs to get soda from the vending machine, Lapis wouldn’t drink that green swill Peridot guzzled down. When Peridot finally returned she had the pizza box in her hands. Peridot set the box down and Lapis went over to grab a slice. 

With a slice of Pizza in hand Lapis walked over to Peridot’s computer desk. The mouse was all sorts of strange with buttons on the side. “This is fancy.” 

“It’s of my own personal design. 16GB of ram and 7200RPM-” Peridot was cut short by a dismissive look from Lapis. It was completely incomprehensible to her. “Skip the nerd talk, what’s it do?”

“You play games on it. PC the master race for any real gamer. I’m a high ranking Overwatch player and I need the best system.” Peridot leaned over Lapis her breasts rubbing across Lapis’ back. “Here I’ll show you how to play, you can go on my Smurf account.” 

Lapis could easily play some stupid videogame if Peridot stayed just like that. Peridot was busy clicking away on the keyboard she brushed Lapis’ hand off the mouse. Finally the game looked like it was starting. “Okay now who do I pick?” Lapis asked she hovered the mouse over the different faces. Strange, why would anyone want to play some cartoon game? 

“For starters do you want to heal? Attack? Defend? It all depends on what you’re looking to do. For attack 76 is like any shooter simple, defense you could do a sniper like Widow or you can tank with someone like D.VA.” Peridot pointed to the characters as she rambled as she did so she leaned in closer to Lapis. Lapis was in fucking heaven with Peridot’s pert tits on her back. I’ll play a million stupid games if it means Peridot stays like this, Lapis thought with a stupid grin. 

Lapis hovered over another character the hottest looking one with blonde hair like Peridot. “What about her? What does she do?” 

“Make you want to die. I’m kidding, that’s Mercy she’s a healer but unless you have a good team you’ll end up wishing you didn’t bother.” Peridot sighed as if the weight of the world was on her shoulder. “How about you try Widowmaker, you seem like a sniper kind of girl.” 

“What kind of girl is that, Peri?” Lapis asked innocently over her shoulder as she clicked on the sniper Peridot pointed out. The kind you want to finger, Lapis wanted to say but held back. 

“Uh the um…” Peridot floundered like a fish out of water. 

“Oh! It’s starting what do I do?” Lapis didn’t even know how to walk in this stupid game. 

Peridot showed her how to play and Lapis didn’t understand a single bit of it. But she didn’t need to. She had Peridot and pizza the best combo.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is struggling with her homework....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I changed Peridot's outfit in this. She was originally wearing jeans but I see the dork in cargo pants. 
> 
> Thank you for reading :) 
> 
> (It's so late I can't sleep. Oh dear not the insomnia bouts.) Bad for me good for you.

Lapis glared at the Walt Whitman poetry book in front of her. Why did she take a class called Whitman and Friends? Poetry it was a pain in the ass to decipher. She took the blue pen in her hand and underlined another point. “This meant that…the narrator…ugh…fuck it.” Her brain hurt from trying to see something that just wasn’t there. “It’s obvious the story is about losing a lover that’s the easy part…the hard part is why the symbolism?” Sometimes talking to herself helped her work. It was like throwing something at the wall and seeing what stuck, not very efficient but effective. Lapis felt she was on a breakthrough, she was on to something when a knock from the bathroom door interrupted her thoughts. “Damn…” Lapis hissed under her breath the breakthrough fell through. 

It could only be one person, Peridot. The question was why was Peridot visiting? She never had before. Only one way to find out, “Come in,” She called out. 

Peridot walked in and her eyes went to everything she was taking it all in. Lapis in turn was taking Peridot in. The blonde wore a tank top with a green and gray plaid top that hung off her pale freckled shoulders. Clearly the shirt was too big but Peridot didn’t seem to mind. She wore a pair of cargo shorts that had an abundance of pockets. Why did she need so many pockets? The best were her chucks with little green aliens decorating the black fabric. In all she was adorable, Lapis wanted to pull Peridot into her lap and hold her all day. It sure beat doing her homework. 

Lapis tried to break Peridot from her trance, “What’s going on?” 

Peridot was still looking she hadn’t said a word. Strange, but not that strange coming from the blonde, words were hard for her sometimes. Lapis instead underlined something she already underlined before making it a darker blue. “Is it a secret?” Now she wanted to tease “I can keep a secret.” She couldn’t hide the smirk on her face. “Peri-dot, what do you want to tell me?” She sing-songed her words. 

“I just came to see you,” Peridot tugged on the neck of her tank top. Is that right? Coming to see little ol’ me? Lapis speculated. 

“That’s sweet, my sweet Peri.” Lapis looked back down to her book. Peridot clearly wasn’t going to budge on her own. “Feel like reading Walt Whitman? It’s for my poetry class. Most of his poems are about his love for this young man, it’s interesting.” Lapis’ eyes locked with Peridot’s. “What do you think about that?” It was a loaded question. Lapis had little suspicion that Peridot wasn’t gay. The blonde was wearing plaid for fucks sake. 

“Love who you love, right?” Peridot answered with an easy shrug. Good answer, Peri. Lapis patted the spot down on the beanbag there would hardly be room for both of them. “Take a seat and let me bounce some ideas off you.” 

Peridot took the offered seat her thigh pressing into Lapis’. This was the perfect opportunity for some fun. Lapis turned and then laid down resting her head in Peridot’s scorching hot lap. Did this woman have a furnace in her pants? Regardless she pushed the book into Peridot’s hands. “Read to me.” Just the thought of listening to Peridot read to her got her giddy. 

Lapis waited and hummed a song to herself, she’d wait as long as it took. She looked up to watch Peridot struggle. That was the best part of it all watching her blush and grow flustered. 

Peridot cleared her throat. “O-out…” Peridot paused she was beyond nervous Lapis could tell from the shaking of her legs. Lapis looked up and nodded. “Out of the rolling ocean the crowd came a drop gently to me, Whispering, I love you, before long I die, I have travell’d a long way merely to look on you to touch you, For I could not die till I once look’d on you, For I fear’d I might afterward lose you.” 

She read so smoothly, Lapis realized then she’d fallen for the dork. The way her voice was steady reading that old script, the way she was scared of failure. It was too much, Lapis wanted to tell Peridot she could never fail in her eyes. Nothing would ever disappoint. 

“Go on, your voice is nice.” Lapis prompted. 

“Now we have met, we have look’d, we are safe, Return in peace to the ocean my love, I too am part of that ocean, my love, we are not so much separated, Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of all, how perfect!” Peridot’s continued. 

“You never stumble on a word…” Lapis’ mumbled, she closed her eyes. She just wanted to focus on Peridot’s voice on her words. “Peri…” 

“But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us, As for an hour carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse forever; Be not impatient – a little space – know you I salute the air, the ocean and the land, Every day at sundown for your dear sake, my love.” Peridot finished. 

“Read some more, please.” Lapis turned and snuggled her face into Peridot’s stomach enjoying the warmth to be found. She could fall asleep like this, and maybe the bad dreams wouldn't make her wake up screaming. 

“Okay…” Peridot replied and in that simple answer gave Lapis all she wanted in that moment.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis has her first swim meet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh we all know what is coming next. ;p

Lapis was bent over on the locker room bench. She felt beyond nervous and like she might be sick. She brought her head down and tucked her knees up. It helped to keep the room from spinning. Her teammates were busy getting ready they knew each other from the years before and paid no mind to Lapis. Her stomach hurt and being dressed in just the regulation navy blue once piece swimsuit made her feel exposed. 

“It’s time for us to get out there!” The coach called out. Lapis stood up on shaky legs and followed the rest of the team out to the pool area. As they walked out the school theme song played on the loud speakers at a deafening volume. People filled both sides of the bleachers ones from her school on one side and on the other side the opposing team’s supporters. 

“Lazuli, you’ll be first doing the hundred meter freestyle.” The coach walked up to her and pointed to the starting platform and lane Lapis would be swimming in. “Don’t disappoint.” 

That was nothing new she was expected to be good after all the school paid for everything just so she’d compete here. She had to be flawless in the water, the best. Her competitor a girl with a dark red one piece went over to her starting platform. Lapis sized her up. The girl was short and didn’t have long legs like Lapis. It shouldn’t be a challenge but seeing the girl’s muscular arms made Lapis doubt slightly. Lapis stood by her platform and looked into the crowd hoping Jasper and Peridot had made it. Mostly just Peridot, she wanted to show the blonde just how impressive she was. 

She spotted Jasper first wearing a leather jacket and goggles on her head, Jasper waved. The Lapis spotted Peridot. She was adorable she wore a gray Tee shirt and jeans and also had Jasper’s motorcycle helmet on. Lapis forced Jasper to get one if she was going to be transporting Peridot anywhere. Lapis wouldn’t allow anything bad to happen to her blonde. Peridot looked overwhelmed by the people and the noise but she smiled when she saw Lapis. 

“We are about to start the hundred meter freestyle!” The announcer called out on the speakers. Lapis stepped up onto the starting platform. She stared at the water her nemesis and friend. The whistle blew and she dove into the water making broad strokes. In the water she didn’t think she just acted. Her body was robotic and her mind was numb all the mattered was beating the competition. Aquamarine would deny her food if she didn’t win…wait no. Lapis almost stopped mid stroke but then powered through. Aquamarine wasn’t here she wasn’t in her life. She was swimming for her scholarship. She was swimming to impress a girl. She wasn’t going to be shoved into the little closet in the house with nothing to eat and drink for days. 

She touched the edge of the pool for the second time marking the end of her hundred meters. Cheers rung out through the pool area. She had won. She panted slightly from the effort and pulled herself out of the water. The loudest cheerer was Jasper who was standing up and swinging her arms in the air. Was this part of their fake relationship act or was Jasper really that excited she won? Lapis just gave a half smile and was about to go over to Peridot when her coach pulled her over. 

“That was incredible, Lazuli! You may have just beaten a school record!” Her coach patted her on the back. “Go grab a towel.” 

Lapis grabbed a towel and draped it over her shoulders after using it to dry off. She watched the rest of the match and cheered for her team as was expected. In reality she didn’t care if they won or lost it only mattered that she did well. Lapis snuck a few glances at Peridot whose bright green eyes were glued to her. The little blonde must like to see her in a swimsuit. How naughty of Peridot. After what felt like a century the match was finally over her team had won. Lapis worked on slipping a pair of shorts on before realizing she’d have to wear jeans on the motorcycle she reached into her gym bag and grabbed a pair of jeans and yanked them on. 

“Babe, you were amazing! You crushed that girl!” Jasper caught her by surprise and picked her up and spun her around in a big bear hug. “Put me down you bastard…” Lapis hissed low enough so Peridot couldn’t hear. “You made me so proud.” Jasper teased whispering back. 

Jasper set her back down took off her jacket to drape on Lapis’ shoulders. Lapis pulled the large jacket tighter around herself. Then she looked at Peridot the small awkward little thing. “Thank you for coming out to watch, I know you aren’t really into sports.” 

Peridot shrugged “Well you are my roommate after all. I had to come support you.” 

Ouch that stung. Peridot did not have a way with words. “Of course,” Lapis replied slightly crestfallen. 

“Let’s go celebrate! I have some stuff in my room I was saving for your victory!” Jasper said and she led them back to her motorcycle. Jasper took one look at the three of them and then back to the motorcycle, clearly seeing the problem of fitting three grown women. “Hmmm” Jasper mumbled. 

“Peridot can sit in my lap. She’s small so it won’t be a big deal.” Lapis offered. Jasper gave her a sly look. Jasper knew exactly what she was up to. “Works for me, just make sure you don’t fall off.” Jasper straddled her motorcycle and waited for Lapis. Lapis slid on behind Jasper and then offered her hand to Peridot. She was able to lift Peridot up easily and managed to get the blonde snug on her lap. The feeling of Peridot’s warm body so close to her own it was too much. Lapis wrapped her arms around Peridot’s waist. “I’ll keep you safe,” She whispered. 

Peridot in turn leaned forward and grabbed onto the back of Jasper’s jeans hooking her thumbs through the belt loops. Peridot held onto Jasper for dear life. Jasper’s motorcycle roared to life and they were making their way back to the dorms. Lapis prayed Jasper would drive slow so this would last longer. 

Lapis pressed herself tight against Peridot’s back making sure her breasts could be felt by the small blonde. Lapis reached her fingers up to play with the hem of Peridot’s shirt. The little blonde had nowhere to run off to this time. Lapis slid her fingers against Peridot’s bare stomach, Peridot’s skin was warm and soft. She circled around Peridot’s bellybutton and ran her finger tips over Peridot’s ribs. Peridot just felt right to Lapis the way she was soft and somewhat squishy and how invitingly warm she was. She wanted to stay here forever with Peridot trapped with her. 

Jasper pulled into her parking spot and Lapis fixed Peridot’s shirt quickly, no one else was allowed to see that soft pale flesh. Jasper got off first and picked Peridot up off of Lapis’ lap and set her aside. Jasper took Lapis’ hand and scooped her off the motorcycle bridal style. “Enjoy your ride, perv?” Jasper whispered into her ear before setting her down. “I’ve got a treat for us.” Jasper said this louder for Peridot to hear. 

Peridot attempted to walk away but Jasper grabbed by the collar of her shirt and pulled her back. “You are coming too, runt.” Peridot took a nervous gulp “Sure.”   
Lapis had no idea what Jasper had planned but if it meant more time with Peridot then she was more than willing to play along.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is shocked to see what Jasper's surprise was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is....
> 
> Gotta change the rating now.

Lapis sat on the edge of her bed after having offered Peridot the beanbag chair. She stayed a respectable distance away it was clear the blonde was flustered after their ride together. Lapis figured she may have taken it too far. Peridot was after all inexperienced in such things. Jasper had left to go get her ‘surprise’ something she hadn’t even told Lapis about. 

Lapis figured she should change out of her swim suit and into something more comfortable. “Do you mind if I change?” Lapis asked. Lapis started working on taking the jeans she had worn back on and caught Peridot’s eye. 

Peridot closed her eyes and turned the other way to face the way. “I can leave if you want.” How adorable. Come on Peridot sneak a peek. 

“I don’t want that.” Lapis worked her swimsuit off and plopped it down onto the floor. She waltzed over still naked to her dresser to grab her change of clothes. A loose fitting tank top and a pair of short shorts, Lapis knew Peridot loved her legs she always ended up looking. Lapis couldn’t help but tease and walked over to Peridot and caressed her cheek she leaned down to look at Peridot who slowly opened her eyes. “Did I scare you?” 

“No, you did not.” Peridot replied she was curt but she was still watching Lapis’ face waiting for something. Lapis’ smiled at Peridot in response “I’m surprised you didn’t watch.” 

“It would have been rude.” Peridot finally replied after a long pause. Not I didn’t want to or I shouldn’t. Just it would’ve been rude. Was she finally swaying Peridot? 

“Such a gentleman or gentlewoman I should say.” Lapis ruffled Peridot’s blonde hair that was all down due to the helmet. “Nice helmet hair.” 

Lapis went to her stereo to play some music and watch Peridot from afar. Peridot tried and failed to fix her hair as Lapis fiddled with the dials to find the perfect song. 

“I’m back!” Jasper burst through the door her arms filled with large brown paper bags. She used her foot to shut the door behind her and set the goods down on Lapis’ bed. Jasper began pulling items out. Lapis breath caught in her throat when she was the whiskey being pulled out of the bag. How did Jasper know? The many dark night she drowned herself in Jack. Drinking the fire to forget the flames in her mind. Jasper pulled out a six pack of cheap beer, more alcohol. Jasper had to be fucking with her that was it. Lapis bit down hard on her lower lip. This was a disaster. Jasper grabbed a beer from the six pack and tossed one to Lapis she caught it and looked down at the can. It was like staring down poison, it was bringing back so many memories of lonely nights drunk off her ass. Jasper took a can and walked over to Peridot shoving it into her small hands, “Here.”  


Jasper popped the top to her beer and downed it in one go. She crushed the can and tossed it into the basket. Lapis finally popped the top to her own beer and took long sips of the cheap tasting swill. She hadn’t had a drink in so long and as soon as that amber liquid poured down her throat it was game on. She could feel Aquamarine’s stare on her back the way the woman would watch when she took a shower. A sinister leer that promised something awful. Lapis turned down the beer Jasper offered her and grabbed the bottle of whiskey off her bed. The time Aquamarine first touched her when she was just a child. ‘it won’t hurt too bad’ Aquamarine had giggled as she forced her fingers into Lapis. Lapis took a long swing of the Jack Daniels in her hand. The time she was forced to do the same to Malachite to fuck the girl she had seen only as a sister. God that burn down her throat it was euphoric. 

“Come on Peridot, don’t be a baby.” Jasper taunted, “Never had a beer before?”

Lapis looked over at her pretty little Peridot. So small and cute, just the way she used to be a life time ago. Peridot fumbled with the top of the beer can before popping the top and taking a small sip. Peridot winced and made a face, “Disgusting…” 

Lapis laughed, she’d show her girl a better time. She grabbed a red solo cup and filled it with some coke and half a shot of Jack. Peridot would be off her ass if she got a full shot. It was like the time Malachite and she snuck into Topaz’s liquor cabinet and stole into the Crown Royal. Lapis finished mixing the simple drink and sauntered over to Peridot. “Here, I have better taste than Jasper any way.” Peridot took the red solo cup and looked up at Lapis with those bright green doe eyes. Lapis wanted her; she wanted to claim Peridot the only way she knew how. Peridot brought the cup to her lips and Lapis held the cup to there until she drank a good amount. 

“Whiskey and coke,” Lapis knew Peridot wanted to know. She took the cup back and had a long swallow. “Have some more.” She handed it back and Peridot listened. “Good girl,” Lapis whispered so low only she could hear. 

*****************************

“God she’s heavy.” Peridot complained. One half of Jasper was draped over Peridot and the other on Lapis. It was true Jasper weighed a ton and dragging her down the dorm halls wasn’t easy. Jasper was passed out drunk just like Malachite used to get. Drinking took the pain. Lapis finally tossed the large body off her side and onto the bed. Her vision blurred and for a moment it looked like Topaz lying face down on the bed. Peridot let out a loud groan and it made Lapis look away from Topaz. Lapis had to get Peridot out of here before the monster woke. She took Peridot’s hand and dragged her along back to her room. 

Peridot tried to go back to her own room through their shared bathroom. Lapis caught her by the shoulder turning her around till they were facing one another. If Aquamarine was coming she better tell Peridot how she felt. She had to make Peridot hers before that witch came. “I know how you feel about me.” Lapis said, “I see the way you look at me.” 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Peridot‘s voice was small. Lapis leaned in closer. She wanted to taste those chapped lips and know how Peridot felt. Lapis lips pressed against Peridot’s and it was magical. It was so different from the other kisses she was forced into. Peridot must’ve liked it she was speechless; Lapis’ hands went from holding onto Peridot’s shoulder to down to her hips. She ran her tongue across Peridot’s lips, she still had the faintest taste of Jack on her lips. Peridot gasped and Lapis took the opportunity to shove her tongue into Peridot’s warm wet mouth. She tasted everything and claimed all that was Peridot’s. Hands grabbed her arms, Aqua. She pushed the woman in front of her hard against the wall. She was so much weaker than she used to be. She used her teeth to pull at the woman’s bottom lip before moving to bite down on her neck. It was her turn to be dominate it was her turn to claim and wreck and destroy.

“Lapis…stop…please.” Hands swatted her again but it didn’t matter. She pressed a hand to the offending mouth that dare speak her name. “Be quiet, I know how badly you want this.” Aquamarine always wanted it, she just never was a bottom before. Simple enough for Lapis to take control. With her free hand she groped a small but full breast slipping under a bra.“Enjoy it.” 

A hand grabbed her wrist and she felt stinging pain that made her hiss. “I said stop it!” A voice shouted at her it wasn’t Aqua. “I don’t want this! Not like this…” 

Lapis closed then opened her eyes. Peridot stood backed against a wall fear permeating from her features. No, she wasn’t doing that to Peridot it was for Aqua. It was to show that bitch a thing or two. Peridot took her chance once Lapis backed away and ran closing the bathroom door behind her. 

It wasn’t supposed to be Peridot. She didn’t mean to hurt the blonde she would never. Blood dripped down her arm, Peridot had to hurt her to snap her out of it. It had been so long since she’d been dragged down to that place and her vision still blurred and played tricks on her. She wasn’t sure what was what. She sat down on the floor and tucked her knees to her chest and ducked her head down. “It isn’t real. She isn’t here.” She rocked back and forth whispering her mantra to the darkness around her.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis recalls what happened the night before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This hurt....my poor little babies.

The moments after were a blur between reality and fantasy she couldn’t sleep because when she did she saw herself as Aquamarine touching Peridot. She had turned into that vile woman hurting those she cared about. Was Jasper her Topaz? It was all coming together and then falling back apart like sand slipping through her fingers. She still needed to visit that beach; she wanted to do that with Peridot. Lapis dug her nails into her arm, stay in the now. It was hard to not look back or imagine what the future held but to just look around her room and try to ground herself. It failed every time she tried to focus on one thing. She had to check on Peridot to see how the blonde was doing, if only to apologize.   
Lapis stood up on shaky legs and went to the bathroom she found Peridot bent over the trashcan about to pick it up. As soon as Peridot saw her she began to back away. It hurt more than anything Aquamarine had ever done to her to see her little blonde scared of her. 

“Peri, wait.” Lapis tried and Peridot froze. “Last night was pretty crazy, I don’t really remember everything. Did Jasper get back okay?” Why was she lying? She just couldn’t admit the truth and in reality she only remembered the very end with Peridot pushing her away and nail marks on her wrist. 

Peridot held the garbage bag in her hands tight her knuckles turning white. 

Lapis touched her wrist and looked at the dried up blood there. “Ugh, what is this from?” Another lie, why couldn’t she tell the god damned truth? She knew exactly what had happned to her wrist. Rightly so her little blonde spit fire fought back. Lapis went to go for the sink and Peridot backed away further she was scared, nervous like a trapped animal. “What’s wrong?” 

“I…I have to go.” Peridot exited the bathroom and closed the door. Lapis jiggled the door handle and when she got nowhere she knocked on the wood. Peridot must be sitting on the other side of the door. 

“Peridot, please tell me what’s wrong.” Lapis called out to her blonde. “Did something happen last night?” Please, tell me I didn’t touch you…please tell me you stopped me before anything happened, Lapis prayed. 

“You…” Peridot froze but then she continued “You kissed me…” 

Lapis didn’t say anything for a minute then two. Just a kiss that wasn’t too bad, right? It couldn’t have been that bad? “I’m sorry I was drunk. I probably thought you were Jasper.” As if she’d ever want to kiss that idiot. 

“You touched me when I said no!” The words came out fast and angry “You bit me and I had to fight you off!” Peridot hit the wood of the door behind her startling Lapis. “You ruined everything…” 

Lapis felt the world around her begin to spin. She hurt her little Peri. She touched her without consent just like Aquamarine. She was just like the bitch that raised her. Peridot was right she ruined everything. She caught sight of her reflection in the mirror and her vision swam, she was staring back at Aquamarine grinning in the mirror, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.’ Lapis let out a strangled cry and punched the glass mirror in front of her. It exploded in shards all around her. Pieces cut into her cheeks and large shards bit into her knuckles and hand. She deserved it she deserved it all, every bit of pain. How much pain did she cause Peridot? Blood dripped down into the sink and Lapis crunched over the glass on the floor walking out and back to her own room. 

Lapis grabbed a dirty shirt from her hamper and wrapped it around her bloody hand with glass shards still poking out. She’d get to it, but the pain made her stay in the moment. Everything that had happened was her fault but even worse it was Jasper who had started it. Lapis stormed out of her dorm room and over to Jaspers not even knocking before busting in to see Jasper doing crunches on the floor. 

“What the fuck, Lapis? What happened to you?” Jasper sat up and looked Lapis over she went to get closer but Lapis backed up. “Don’t fucking touch me! What were you thinking bringing all that booze?” 

Jasper crossed her arms over her chest defensive she gave Lapis a dirty look. “I was helping you. Thought I could get the gremlin to loosen up if she was drunk then you’d get what you wanted. You’re welcome.” 

Lapis reached forward with her one good hand and socked Jasper in the chin. Jasper didn’t even flinch and Lapis was left with a sore hand. “What aren’t you thankful? Did you get into her pants or not?” 

“This…Whatever this is, it’s over! We are done. I don’t need your help, fuck you!” Lapis was screaming now. 

“Do you want to hit me again?” Jasper taunted. “You are a twisted little bitch, come on take your anger out on me. I can handle whatever you got.” 

Lapis wanted to walk away to be the bigger person but she didn’t instead she hit Jasper over and over until she was panting and doubled over from the exertion. Jasper was hardly effected she just shook her head. “You’re weak, Lazuli. Fucking pathetic, go back to your own room.” 

Lapis bit down on her lip knowing she’d be bleeding but made her way back to her dorm she sat down on the floor. She looked at the hand she had wrapped up in a now blood soaked shirt. Lapis took in a deep breath. Bleeding out wouldn’t be fair to anyone. She started with the large pieces she could yank out of her tan skin without the need for tweezers. Once she got the large pieces out she grabbed a pair of tweezers and with shaky hands yanked little pieces of glass out of her hand. She moved to her face next, refusing to look in a mirror and see her reflection she went by feeling instead. She pulled some more pieces out of her cheeks and finally deposited all the shards into the ruined shirt and then threw it away in the garbage. She didn’t have Band-Aids in her room so she took another old shirt and tore it to pieces with her bruised hands. With long strips she wrapped her bleeding hand up, making sure to tighten it around the wounds. When she finished she let out a huge sigh. This was a giant fuck up.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis finds a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is some next level short but I wanted it to be it's own chapter. Next chapter coming up soon.

Peridot had hidden herself away and Lapis couldn’t blame the blonde. She wanted to get away from herself as well. If her soul could rip away from her body she’d do it. Lapis was sick and tired of feeling like this, feeling like she had no control. She was going to end up just like Aquamarine hurting people for shits and giggles. Lapis hadn’t changed the makeshift bandage on her hand since she put it on two days ago. Her hand ached but it was a constant reminder of what she had done, who she had hurt, and a promise to never touch Peridot again. She’d break both of her own hands if it meant Peridot wouldn’t be scared of her, if things could go back to normal. She missed the little dork and how excited she got talking about trivial things that brought her joy. 

Lapis looked down at the blood matted shirt strips covering her hand. An infection is what she deserves but having someone else have to touch her or take care of her was unbearable. So she pulled herself up from her spot on the mattress she dragged to the floor. Before she walked into the bathroom she put her ear to the door and listened making sure Peridot wasn’t there. She didn’t want to scare the little blonde. This was what she did most of the time and Peridot usually didn’t wake until noon anyways. Lapis walked in once she was sure it was clear and saw a piece of a notebook page and some supplies. Lapis skipped right over the Band-Aids, gauze, and antiseptic cream and went straight to the paper that had her name written down in messy script. 

‘Lapis, I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know that hurt you. I heard and saw what you did in the bathroom. I cleaned it up. Please use these supplies to keep the wounds clean. I don’t want to see you hurt.’ It was signed Peridot in the same messy script. Lapis held the paper close and a tear fell down her cheek. Peridot still cared about her. Peridot got things for her. Lapis collected her treasures and brought them back to her room and set to work. She had to tear off the crusted shirt strips which ripped her wounds open yet again. Lapis used some gauze to dab the wound and then used the cream to keep it clean spreading it over her damaged hand. Finally for the still bleeding cuts she put Band-Aids on and then wrapped her whole hand up in gauze. 

Lapis cradled her hand close to her chest. It wasn’t some evil tool anymore it was covered in a gift from Peridot…it was covered with love.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis let's Peridot in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh it's the smut but from Lapis' pov. :P
> 
> This took forever, Lapis thinks too much.

Lapis was still sitting in her cave like spot on the floor wrapped up in blankets the lights off. She wanted to be in darkness to just be alone. A knock came from the bathroom door. Peridot! Lapis shed her blankets and stood up too quickly and tripped over a stack of books on the floor. “Shit.” She hissed. Lapis finally made it to the door and cracked it open just a little to see the face she’d been dreaming about. She didn’t want Peridot to see her, it could trigger something awful. So she hid behind the door. Peridot grinned at her not afraid so Lapis opened the door more. 

“Uh, hi?” Peridot said. “I came to see how you are and to um offer some help.” 

Lapis couldn’t think of what to say but she knew she didn’t want Peridot to see the state she was in. She couldn’t let Peridot see just how pathetic she really was. “I don’t need your help.” With a heavy heart she went to close the door but Peridot stuck a socked foot in the way. “Please Lapis, let me talk to you.” Peridot was pleading. 

Lapis sucked in a breath and opened the door to let Peridot into her den of a room. Lapis sat down on the beanbag chair and pulled her knees up to her chest she wrapped her arms around her legs and held herself like that. It brought her comfort it made her feel protected, “What do you want, Peridot?” 

Peridot stood awkwardly by the door rubbing a socked foot into the floor, “I wanted to see how you are doing. I was worried about you.” 

“I’m fine.” Lapis needed Peridot to go she wasn’t ready. She couldn’t do this. “Just go.” 

“No.” Peridot’s hands clenched into little fists, “I’m not going to just leave you.” 

“You did before.” It came out more bitter than she meant. 

“I had to take time for myself, Lapis you really hurt me. I care about you a lot…I’ve never felt the way I feel about you for anyone. It felt like you just made a mockery of everything when you did…” Peridot put a hand to her chest as she spoke as if holding her heart in place. “I’m sorry I had to leave.” 

“What do you want?” Lapis asked, she wasn’t ready, this wasn’t the right time. “Everyone wants something from me.”

“I don’t want anything from you I just want to be there for you.” Peridot approached her and she held out a hand, “Let me be there for you.” 

It was a struggle so much of her wanted to run away to hide and never come out. To forget Peridot and every bad thing she had done to the blonde. But the bigger part of her wanted to be held and talked to, she wanted to be loved. She took Peridot’s hand, “Thanks for the Band-Aids…” 

“Yeah, no problem,” Peridot held onto her hand it was warming it made her body tingle and she didn’t hurt inside. “No offence, but you need a shower.” Peridot joked and wrinkled her nose. 

“I don’t like to be near water when I feel like this, it brings up bad memories.” It brought back memories of being held underwater by Topaz until Aquamarine deemed it okay to surface. It made her think of the times she was forced to swim over and over for twelve hours. Lapis tried to pull her hand back but Peridot held on, Peridot brought her back. “I can sit in the bathroom with you…if you want.” 

Lapis let out sigh, Aquamarine and Topaz weren’t there. Peridot was. She stood up with help from Peridot. Their eyes met and Lapis noticed Peridot had little flecks of gold in her bright green eyes. “Come on, do you need help picking out clothes.” Peridot eyed Lapis’ sweatpants and shirt that had stains on it. Lapis wished she had decided to have her depression in at least a cuter outfit. 

Lapis waved a hand over to her dresser and Peridot walked over opening the top drawer before quickly slamming it shut. Lapis almost laughed for the first time in a long time. Oops, she probably should’ve told Peridot which drawer to open. Her little blonde just got an eyeful of all her panties. Peridot pulled out a pair of shorts and a shirt from the next drawer. “Let’s go.” Peridot led the charge into the bathroom and Lapis followed. 

Peridot went to the shower and turned it on. Lapis looked at the wall where the mirror used to be the mirror she smashed. “I couldn’t stand looking at myself, not after what I did to you. You aren’t like Jasper you can’t handle things like that…” Lapis recalled the moment Jasper challenged her when Jasper knew she needed to beat something. “I knew you liked me and I took advantage of it at every turn.” With help from Jasper, Lapis had tried to take full advantage of Peridot’s innocence. 

“Why?” Peridot asked her voice betrayed the hurt she felt. 

Lapis turned her back to Peridot and stared at the door. “I am so tired of being used by people I thought it was time I used people. If I’m the user no one can hurt me, I’d never let them.” No one will hurt me like Aquamarine did if I act like her, what a sick thought. Lapis dug her fingers into her arm. She wanted to control something in her life and Peridot was just so easy to manipulate, but then she fell for the stupid dork. She fell so fucking hard. “I just want control, of everything. The people around me their emotions and what they feel for me, I want to manipulate that.” She tore into her skin, stay in the moment don’t go back to that place. She had to stay here in the bathroom not back in that house with that woman. “I hate that she made me like this. She turned me into some sort of unfeeling monster.” 

Peridot reached out and grabbed Lapis’ hand she held on tight. “You aren’t a monster. Everyone feels confused. We don’t have the right answers or the wrong ones. I can’t tell you what to do. But I can tell you what has helped me, I know what it’s like to be used by someone who you were supposed to trust.” 

How could Peridot know exactly what to say? How did the little dork get so smart and so sweet? Lapis turned and Peridot pulled her into a hug. She hadn’t been hugged for real in a long time not since Malachite. Lapis buried her face into Peridot’s shoulder and breathed in deeply. “My own mother used me to give her every advantage she could get. I told her once that I was gay that I didn’t want to date boys she thought would look good on the arm of her daughter. She sat at her desk for a moment perplexed before saying ‘we can spin this. A gay daughter it’s very in right now.’ Every part of me that I thought was mine was taken and used as a tool for someone else.” Peridot held Lapis close pulling her into a tight hug. Lapis listened to Peridot’s pain she wanted to take it away she’d do anything to suck the poison of feeling unloved out of Peridot. “I overheard my mother once tell her assistant that she had never wanted a child but having one looked good. It made the press back off of her more. I was a goddamn publicity stunt.” 

Lapis’ arms wrapped her arms around Peridot’s waist and pulled her close. If she ever saw Peridot’s mother she’d have some choice words for the bitch. Who could treat such a sweet girl in such a way? Lapis wanted to share she wanted Peridot to know the truth about her, but it wasn’t time. It wasn’t right. “I want to tell you about me I really do, but I’m not ready. Peridot, it’s so hard to think about those times when I was a prisoner in my own skin in my own life. I promise one day I will tell you how much alike we really are.” Because they really were so alike both with mothers who didn’t love them, both left to fend for themselves, both alone. 

Peridot began to cry and Lapis’ heart broke. She pulled away and plucked Peridot’s glasses off to wipe at those hot tears that ran down pale freckled cheeks. “Don’t cry, do not waste tears on the people who hurt you.” She had wasted an ocean of tears on Aquamarine and Topaz but no more. If she told Peridot to chin up then she could too. 

“Okay,” Peridot choked down a sob welling up in the back of her throat. “No more crying.” 

Lapis smiled ever so slightly. She never wanted to see Peridot cry, those freckled cheeks didn’t deserve to be tear stained. Peridot was staring at her and cogs were turning in the little dork’s mind. Something was happening. Peridot had that face she got when she wanted something. Lapis leaned forward till their noses were touching. Being so close she could hear the hitched breaths escaping Peridot’s lips. Peridot leaned forward and her lips captured Lapis’ in a soft kiss that was the definition of innocence. It made Lapis feel like a child again kissing a crush for the first time. Lapis didn’t know what to do with her hands so she let them hang at her sides. Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis’ neck pulling her closer, god her hands are so warm. Lips pressed tightly to her own and Lapis moved hers against Peridot’s only when one small hand on the back of her neck urged her on the other hand tangled in her hair and pulled her closer. Lapis was the one who pulled back first panting for breath she looked into those green orbs that held a hint of mischief. 

“That shower…” Peridot’s voice was husk and dare Lapis say sexy? Could that little blonde dork be sexy? Fuck, she’s sexy. Lapis didn’t need any more incentive. She slipped her shirt off in just a second then felt instantly embarrassed at what she was wearing underneath. “I normally…um…” Lapis struggled for the words. She wanted to say ‘I promise I look way hotter than this normally, please don’t think I’m ugly’ Instead she said, “I promise this isn’t what I normally wear.” 

Peridot just watched her with eyes that held nothing but admiration. Lapis took her embarrassing bra off next tossing it to the tile floor. Peridot’s mouth watered slightly and Lapis hesitated for a moment waiting for Peridot to say something but when nothing came she began to slide off her sweatpants. She wore nothing underneath and once she shed her sweatpants she looked up at Peridot. Say something you dork, Lapis thought. 

“I’ve never…” Peridot was nervous again and Lapis knew she’d have to take the lead. “Do you want me to help?” Lapis asked, “I want you to lead for you to decide what you want. I won’t take anything from you that you aren’t willing to give.” She refused to hurt Peridot again. She wasn’t going to take anything that wasn’t given willingly. 

Peridot nodded but that wasn’t enough for Lapis so she waited until Peridot said, “Yes.” 

Lapis approached she leaned in to kiss Peridot softly. Her hands skimmed the bottom of Peridot’s shirt. She pulled it up slowly while they kissed before breaking the kiss and pulling the shirt off the blonde. Peridot wore an adorable white bra with green polka dots. Peridot blushed but she tangled her fingers with Lapis’ and they kissed again. This time Peridot caught her by surprise and slipped her tongue into Lapis’ mouth. Lapis felt like she would faint with the way Peridot’s tongue slid against hers and how lithe and flexible the muscle was. What was Peridot doing in her free time? Lapis’ hands left Peridot’s and went to the clasp on the back of her green spotted bra. She unhooked it with one hand and used the other to slide the bra away to reveal Peridot’s breasts. 

Lapis bit down on her lip. Fuck she’s gorgeous. Peridot had small but perky tits with pink nipples that pebbled in the cold air. She was so pale like porcelain, just amazing. “You’re stunning.” The words came out as a gasp. 

Lapis leaned down and looked right at Peridot as she kissed the spot between those little breasts. Peridot shivered but it was a good shiver. “Let’s get in the shower.” Lapis pulled away to slip into the shower. She didn’t watch she just listened to the sounds of Peridot undressing. She let the water rinse over her body and soak her hair. Peridot joined Lapis in the shower and Lapis slowly turned around smirking as she took in Peridot. She had just the smallest amount of pudge on her tummy, cute. Her eyes ran down Peridot’s body and pulled her bottom lips between her teeth when she her eyes fell down to Peridot’s sex. She had soft blonde curls decorating her pubic area. Lapis wondered how it tasted to get fingers tangled in those curls and tongue between that slit. 

“I don’t know what to do.” Peridot finally said. Lapis let out a small giggle she knew what to do. She closed the distance between them and her slick body rubbed against Peridot’s. Peridot’s breasts rubbed right against the underside of her own and Lapis bit back a groan. She took Peridot’s right hand and brought it up to her breast. “Do you know what to do with these?” Lapis asked. Please know what to do, Lapis couldn’t deny it she was horny. She wanted everything Peridot could give and more. But she held back she had to. 

Peridot’s palm rubbed against the stiff peak of Lapis’ nipple. The slight friction made Lapis gasp lightly. God it felt amazing. Peridot pressed slightly harder then she slid her hand down capturing Lapis’ nipple in between two fingers. Lapis felt like a mouse being toyed with by the cat. Peridot gave a light tweak of Lapis’ nipple Lapis let out deep moan that surprised Peridot. Peridot leaned forward and pressed her lips to the pebbled skin of Lapis’ dark brown nipple before sucking it in. How the fuck does she know to do that?   
Good god. Lapis tangled her hands in that tempting blonde hair pulling Peridot closer to her nipple. Peridot got the message and sucked harder on the nipple earning another moan from Lapis. She flicked her tongue across her nipple and curled it in a way that Lapis didn’t think was humanly possible. Was Peridot a secret master of sex? Oh god what if she disappointed Peridot in bed? The blonde was so good. 

Peridot’s teeth scrapped against the sensitive skin of Lapis’ nipple. “Ow.” Lapis cried out but she didn’t push Peridot away. Peridot apologized with a swipe of her tongue. When Peridot finally pulled away from lavishing Lapis’ nipple she was breathing heavily. Lapis’ little blonde ran her hand over the other nipple, waiting for further instructions. 

“Have you ever masturbated?” The question made Peridot almost fall backwards in the shower but Lapis caught her. How did this woman know how to do the things she does? 

“What?! Why?” Peridot sputtered. 

“I just wanted to know. If you had it makes the next part easier.” Lapis replied. She had to let Peridot do this first it was the right thing. She only ever wanted Peridot to touch her. Lapis took Peridot’s right hand and pulled on small pointer finger. “Start with one first.” 

Peridot shook slightly, “I…I.” Lapis knew how to calm Peridot she brought Peridot’s finger to her mouth and sucked it into her mouth running her tongue across Peridot’s digit. Lapis never broke eye contact even as she popped the finger out of her mouth. “You won’t hurt me, it doesn’t hurt.” No it wouldn’t not after everything, most importantly Peridot could never hurt her. 

Lapis led Peridot’s finger down her entrance, “Just don’t scratch.” Lapis warned. Lapis held Peridot’s hand as she brought it down to her slick outer lips. The feeling of something being down there after so long made her have to bite back memories. This was Peridot, this was her sweet little blonde dork. Lapis led Peridot through her warm folds showing Peridot how to gather up the wetness there on her finger before moving to slip into Lapis. Lapis let go of Peridot’s hand and waited letting the blonde decide when to start. Lapis kept her eyes open to watch Peridot to memorize that gentle face. 

The tip of Peridot’s finger was already pressing against Lapis’ hot soaking entrance. Peridot slowly slid her fingertip in pushing past the tight wall of muscle that tried to resist. Lapis looked into green eyes not dark ones. It was Peridot, Peridot, not…not Aqua. Peridot slid her finger further inside until she couldn’t go any further. Her finger was all the way in and Lapis let out a low moan of pleasure. It felt like heaven, Peridot looked at her waiting for instructions. 

“Now,” Lapis was panting slightly, “In and out. Add another finger when you feel comfortable.” 

Peridot moved at a snail’s pace pulling her finger out before gliding back through silken folds, she quickened her pace once she had a rhythm set. Lapis threw her head back she couldn’t focus on Peridot’s face anymore but it still swam in her vision as Peridot’s added another finger into her. Lapis’ hips thrust forward to meet Peridot’s fingers. Lapis’ legs wobbled and she knew she was close. “Fuck, Peridot. I…I’m…” Lapis didn’t finish before she let out an ear shattering moan. Peridot worked her through the orgasm still pumping her fingers in and out. Lapis finally came down from her high and grabbed Peridot’s wrist what became pleasure quickly hurt, “I’m sensitive after…” 

“After what?” Peridot asked innocently. Really, Peridot? You don’t know what an orgasm is? Bullshit. 

But Lapis laughed and touched her forehead to Peridot’s, “After an orgasm.” 

Peridot’s face flushed and she slowly slid her fingers out. Lapis let out a low sigh when Peridot’s fingers slipped out with a slick pop. “Was I good?” 

Lapis leaned forward to kiss Peridot on the forehead. Such simple words meant everything. Peridot did have sex with her for power or for anything she did it because she wanted to and Lapis wanted to. Peridot wanted to know if she did good, so innocent so cute. “Very good. Do you want me to touch you?” 

Peridot didn’t answer right away and then shrugged. “I’m not sure.” 

Lapis turned around to face the shower head to rinse off her thighs were slick with her own fluids from Peridot. She wouldn’t touch the blonde unless Peridot was a hundred percent certain. Warm fingers ran over her back touching the tattoo there. Lapis shivered but relaxed as Peridot moved over her shoulder blades. The tattoo she had gotten when she was finally free of Aquamarine, wings. When she was little she used to wish she had wings so she could fly away like the birds she watched from the window. She wanted so badly to flap her wings and leave finding a new home when she needed to. Traveling when she wanted, she didn’t need wings now that she had Peridot. Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis’ hips and lips kissed her shoulder blade right over a wing. Lapis was relaxed, she was safe. She didn’t need to run anymore.


	14. Chapter 14: With you I'm in warm water swimming down.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is Peridot's first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warm Water- Banks 
> 
> "I got this need for you forming in my beating heart  
> I knew the meaning right away, we only yesterday  
> were worlds apart" 
> 
> Love Banks' lyrics :)

Lapis stepped out of the shower content after a well-deserved orgasm. Peridot was toweling her messy blonde hair off but stopped and her mouth went agape watching Lapis step out of the shower. Lapis wiggled her eyebrows and Peridot flushed bright and wrapped the towel around herself and grabbed her glasses. Lapis loved watching Peridot when she was flustered her movements were jittery, much more exciting. 

Peridot went to the counter and grabbed more Band-Aids were. “Let me see you hand.” 

Lapis looked down at her soaked bandaged hand she didn’t argue and held her right hand out. Peridot took off the soggy bandages and then held Lapis’ hand in such a finger light touch. Fine cuts to large cuts decorated Lapis’ tan skin. Her knuckles were the worst with deep gashes in-between them, it wasn’t the worse injury she’d ever had. Peridot reached for the anti-septic ointment and began gingerly applying it. Lapis just watched Peridot. It was so similar to how she used to take care of Malachite. When Topaz got annoyed and smacked Malachite so hard it would split the skin. Lapis had gone to the store to steal bandages for her sister, got caught and her hands were burned by Aquamarine. But she still walked away with the prize of bandages for Malachite. It was always worth it to see her sister give that toothy grin. 

Lapis was startled back to the present when Peridot placed kisses over her knuckles and hand. She turned Lapis’ hand over to kiss her palm. She let go but Lapis grabbed her hand holding tight. The memories were chasing her again, they were right behind her, a pack of dogs barking and snarling. “Stay with me, tonight.” Lapis asked, “I don’t want to be alone.” She needed Peridot to be there to keep her safe. 

Peridot nodded and Lapis led her to her bedroom. Lapis let the towel she was holding to her naked form drop to the floor and set about making up the blankets on the floor. Lapis set two pillows down and sheets before dragging her comforter down too. A comfortable nest for them to lay down on. She was satisfied with her work, it was like a fort for the two of them. Peridot watched the entire time she might as well be drooling watching Lapis work naked and unashamed. Lapis began to swing her hips as she set to work making a bed for them on the floor, it was too easy to tease. Lapis sat down on her makeshift bed and patted the spot next to her. Peridot was still standing there shy with a towel wrapped around her. Did she not realize she had been knuckle deep in Lapis just moments ago? 

Peridot sat down next to Lapis. Lapis offered her the comforter and Peridot happily slipped under the covers and tossed the towel aside. Lapis slid down next to her on the outside of the comforter lying on her stomach she looked at Peridot examining every freckle on her face. Lapis reached out and stroked Peridot’s cheek, “I love your freckles.” Lapis leaned forward and they were kissing again but it was soft and romantic. Not hurried and heated like before. It was tender. 

When Lapis pulled away she slid Peridot’s glasses off and set them aside next to their makeshift bed. She wanted to see her without her glasses, just that innocent face. “You’re eyes are such a magnificent shade of green.” Peridot blushed, as if she had never been complimented in her life. Lapis rolled over onto her back and spread her arms out and motioned for Peridot to cuddle into her, she waited and Peridot was hesitant before snuggling close to Lapis’ body. “Do you want some blanket?” Peridot asked. She held the comforter up so Lapis could slip in and their naked bodies pressed together. Peridot was a furnace against her chilled skin, it was so inviting. 

Peridot rested her head on Lapis’ naked breast nuzzling into the soft flesh, it tickled. Lapis kept one arm wrapped around Peridot’s waist and with her other she ran her fingers through damp blonde locks. “Peridot…” Lapis mumbled. “Hm?” Peridot all but moaned.

“Are you afraid of me?” Lapis asked. It was something that had been told to her before. ‘I may be bad but you’re a monster, Lapis, my perfectly little prodigy.’ Aquamarine would say as she kissed Lapis’ neck. She didn’t want that now. 

“No, I’m not scared of you.” Peridot replied. Lapis tightened the hold she had on Peridot’s waist. “That…it means a lot.” She was at a loss for words. 

Lapis was content to just lie there with Peridot pressed close to her but now Peridot was rubbing her thighs together to get some tension. Lapis’ hand moved from waist to hipbone with light touches in smooth circles. “I won’t do anything you don’t ask for or want.” Lapis told Peridot. It was the truth she wouldn’t do a damn thing that wasn’t asked for. 

“Does it hurt?” Peridot asked. Oh, dear. Did this girl never get proper sex education? Lapis supposed she recived too much. Peridot asked in an innocent quite voice “Do you really bleed?” 

Lapis thought for a moment she looked up at the ceiling where plastic glow stars where placed. How to properly say it without being too explicit. “At first it might but then it will feel good. If it hurts you can tell me to stop. Bleeding is just a rumor I’ve never known someone to. That’s if you even want to have sex…” Oh, she had bled the first time Aquamarine raped her. She didn’t want to tell Peridot that, after all if she’s properly turned on it won’t be a problem the blonde would be wet. 

Peridot weighed her options, she wiggled against Lapis. “I want to, I trust you.” 

Lapis pulled away from Peridot and sat up. She turned to face Peridot laying on her side she reached under the comforter to stroke Peridot’s collarbone. She had to take it slow, so very slow. She turned Peridot’s face towards her to capture her lips in a smoldering kiss. Lapis was drifted her hand and stroked Peridot’s cheek as they kissed then slid down lower brushing against her collarbone, again. She touched Peridot’s breast they were rather larger than her own, she kneaded that soft tender flesh. Peridot arched her back to press further into the hand that rubbed at such a sensitive spot on her body. Lapis slipped her tongue into Peridot’s awaiting mouth while her fingers toyed with Peridot’s pert pink nipple. She didn’t pinch or pull like Peridot had done to her but rolled the sensitive nipple around between two fingers before flicking it with the pad of her thumb. Peridot was moaning in her mouth with every touch. 

Lapis pulled back and sat up she slid the comforter down till it pooled around Peridot’s hips. Lapis hovered over Peridot. Taking in the sight of creamy white skin, soft blonde curls in between thighs, she needed Peridot. She began kissing her way down Peridot’s pale neck. Nibbling on her freckled shoulder Lapis continued her path down to Peridot’s other nipple she didn’t suck it into her mouth right away instead she placed a kiss on the very top of the hard pebbled pink skin. She didn’t mean to tease too much but she couldn’t help it and when Peridot brought a hand to her mouth to muffle her squeal, Lapis had to hold back a moan of delight. 

Lapis used her other hand to touch and rub Peridot nipple. When she sucked on Peridot’s pert hard nipple Peridot’s toes curled and she kicked her feet. “Fuck…” The words escaped her lips and she tangled her hands in Lapis’ dark blue hair. Pressing Lapis down further, Lapis took the hint and sucked harder rolling her tongue around pebbled skin. Lapis was experienced and knew how to pleasure the body beneath her. She moved away from the nipple she had just been suckling on and went to the next wasting no time popping it into her mouth and she gently ran her teeth over the skin scratching the sensitive bud. How much could Peridot handle? Lapis ran her hands down Peridot’s ribs creating goosebumps in their wake. Lapis love the feeling of the little bumps of tender flesh. 

Lapis leaned forward letting go of Peridot’s nipple before kissing her again her hand traveled further down. Underneath the blanket to the soft blonde curls that covered Peridot’s sex. She had to make sure it wouldn’t hurt Peridot in any way. Lapis’ fingers toyed with the hair brushing through the curls before moving lower. She’d have to play with those curls later, they were fun to toy with and it made Peridot clench her thighs. Lapis’ thumb rubbed across Peridot’s clit it was already hard and straining, Peridot bucked her hips at the slightest touch. 

Lapis couldn’t stifle her laugh as she did it again, “Oh Peri. You’ve been neglecting your body.” Lapis’ flicked her thumb over her clit again this time rubbing upwards exposing the hard nub past that thin layer of skin it hid behind. “Lapis…please.” Peridot begged. How could Lapis refuse? 

“Whatever you want,” Lapis replied. Lapis’ fingers moved down swiping through the wetness gracing Peridot’s folds. She was ready. Peridot covered her face with her arms but spread her legs apart to give Lapis further access. Lapis used a single finger and gathered as much wetness as she could onto it coating her pointer finger in Peridot’s juices. “I’ll go slowly,” Lapis assured her. 

Lapis pushed her finger past Peridot’s outer lips. Lapis struggled to push her finger into such a tight entrance. Jesus, did Peridot do Kegels? But that inviting wetness made it worth itall. “You’re so wet for me, Peri.” Lapis’ voice was low and she reveled in the way Peridot’s inner walls pulled at her finger. Her finger slipped in further and with the wetness she was able to glide right in. Lapis waited trying to gauge Peridot’s reaction but the blonde had her face covered. With her free hand she grabbed Peridot’s arm uncovering a flushed face with a line of drool. “Hold my hand?” Lapis asked. Peridot gripped Lapis’ hand tight. 

Lapis pushed forward and Peridot bit down on her lip in a clear show of pain but pleasure bloomed next as Lapis used her thumb to brush across Peridot’s clit. “You’re okay, you are doing great,” words of encouragement. Peridot still held on to Lapis’ free hand with everything she had. Lapis wiggled the finger that was plunged deep inside Peridot. Lapis pulled back and thrust forward creating a rhythm that made Peridot’s hips rock. “I’m going to add another finger…” Lapis did as promised. It was a hard fit even just two fingers but she got them in. Lapis quickened her pace and her thumb swiped across Peridot’s throbbing clit. Peridot held onto Lapis’ hand tighter and dug her nails into the skin there. Fuck that hurt, but Lapis held on she kept pumping her fingers and then Peridot screamed in pleasure. 

“Lapis!” Peridot cried out and her hips lost control and she was thrusting down further onto Lapis’ fingers. Lapis helped Peridot ride out her very first orgasm, proud of her work. “Shush, it’s okay.” Lapis pressed her thumb down on that nub it would help. “Ride it out.” 

Peridot was panting by the time her body relaxed. Lapis slid her fingers out of Peridot and brought them up to her face. She couldn’t resist and she sucked the fingers into her mouth and hummed in delight. God she’s delicious, Lapis decided she could survive on that sweet nectar alone. It was too much for Peridot and she hid under the pillow her head was resting on. Lapis giggled and pulled the pillow away. “It’s okay, you taste good.” She wanted to see that sweet face. 

“That’s embarrassing to say…” Peridot replied. “Come here.” Lapis laid back down on the makeshift bed on her back. She pulled at Peridot until she blonde was resting on top of her. Her thighs were still coated with her juices and they slipped against Lapis’ thighs. Lapis bit down on her lip, Peridot wasn’t ready for anything more for a bit. She was still recovering, but god she wanted to do something more. 

“I’m too heavy…” Peridot tried to warn. 

“Stop, you aren’t.” Lapis ran her hands down Peridot’s back and wrapped them up in the comforter. Peridot gave in and nuzzled into Lapis’ neck and their legs tangled together. Peridot fell asleep like that with Lapis rubbing soothing circles into her back. Lapis watched the rise and fall of Peridot’s chest. She loved to watch the blonde sleep it just seemed so relaxing and peaceful, it was a lullaby for Lapis and soon she too was fast asleep.


	15. Chapter 15:Breathe, breathe me in, taste my words, let me blow your mind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot asks Lapis something important and then gives a reward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Make you feel- Alina Baraz 
> 
> "I will take you far, far away  
> I’ll make you feel alright  
> You’ve gotta crave it and chase it  
> Until you’re close enough to taste it  
> I can give you what you need"

Lapis woke first. She never slept too long not with Peridot around. She wanted to savor every moment with the blonde. When she lived with Aquamarine she slept as much as she could to escape the world she lived in. Now she was living, living awake. She ran her fingers through soft blonde hair. Peridot’s hair was naturally messy but her bedhead was something else entirely. Blonde locks thrown in every direction up, down, sideways, and it was perfect. Peridot was still sleeping on top of her nuzzled against her breast a string of drool on her tan skin. More of what made Peridot, Peridot. Drooling, talking in her sleep, the way her eyelashes flittered slightly when she dreamed deeply. Lapis hummed a song something from a band she enjoyed she could stay like this forever. Legs tangled with hers, a warm toasty body keeping her safe. She kept an arm on Peridot’s lower back and she could tell the blonde was beginning to stir. She let her hand drift down to grope at Peridot’s full butt, squeezing one butt cheek with a grin. 

“Good morning…” Peridot whispered, not wanting to disturb the moment too much. Lapis was slightly startled she hadn’t realized just how awake Peridot was. 

“Mmm, you’re finally up.” Lapis murmured. She drifted her hand up to run along Peridot’s spine. “You sleep so peacefully, but you do drool.” Peridot looked down at the breast she had been using as a pillow and her face flushed bright red in her freckled cheeks. Adorable. 

“Sorry,” Peridot mumbled. Lapis tucked a stray blonde hair behind Peridot’s ear before rubbing the tips of Peridot’s ears. She wanted to know every curve, angle, and freckle of Peridot’s body. Peridot hid her face burying it in Lapis’ breast. “Are your ears sensitive?” Lapis asked.

“I don’t know, I think so?” Peridot was unsure. How innocent, virginal, she was so young. Lapis had been aged beyond her years with everything that happened to her. Having such innocence around made her feel like a child again. Giddy, happy and excited. 

“We can learn together,” Lapis breathed softly. Her fingers drifted away from Peridot’s ear and curved around her jaw bring the blonde forward for a tender kiss. “Whatever you want, I want to provide it.” She would do anything for this dork. She’d do anything Peridot needed or wanted no matter the cost. She had fallen so deeply for her little nerd. 

Lapis rubbed Peridot’s back with one hand and her other she traced over Peridot’s lips. Once those lips were traced into her memory, Lapis moved down to Peridot’s jawline tracing that next. She wanted to know that face in her dreams, in her sleep, in her nightmares. 

“Lapis…” Peridot began. “What about Jasper? You two are together after all, and I don’t want this to have been just the one time.” Peridot looked down now not willing to look at Lapis. 

Oh that’s right I never told Peridot I broke up with my fake girlfriend, Lapis thought. She didn’t want to ruin this moment. She wouldn’t let it be a onetime thing. “She didn’t tell you?” Lapis tipped Peridot’s chin upwards so they were looking at one another. “Jasper broke up with me when she found out what I did…she stormed in here and said we were done and if I ever touched you without consent again she’d break the hand that did it.” Lapis shrugged as she said it. “She’s very protective of you, she then went on to tell me I needed help.” The lie it made Peridot feel better she could tell by the way the relief washed over her pale face. Lapis owed Jasper a little so she’d give her this much, this one courtesy. 

“She lied to me? Jasper tricked me? The stupid meathead actually pulled one over on me?” Peridot sat up shocked. Maybe that wasn’t the right answer, Lapis watched Peridot’s gears turn in her head. “That…that…” Peridot was at a loss for words as she sat straddling Lapis. “The clod!” Peridot decided. Lapis was beyond confused had Jasper told Peridot something different? Had she lied as well as a courtesy to Lapis? 

“What?” Lapis asked. Her hands went to Peridot’s hips keeping the other woman where she was. God it felt good to have Peridot straddling her waist with that moist heat pressing into her. 

“She got one over on me.” Peridot finally sighed in resignation. Lapis could do nothing but watch and witness, and wonder if she said the wrong thing. “It’s fine.” Peridot looked down at Lapis and she looked starved. Peridot ran clumsy fingers over Lapis’ stomach before touching the piercing there. “Did it hurt?” Peridot asked. 

“Not really,” Lapis sighed peacefully as Peridot played with the shiny jewelry that ended with a blue teardrop shaped gem. That had been an act of defiance against Aquamarine, to mark her own body in such away. Aquamarine was furious threatened to rip it out herself, then she became fascinated with the way it moved as she fucked Lapis.   
Lapis snapped out of it when Peridot moved on and touched her hip bones, “What are we, Lapis?” Peridot asked as she ran her smooth fingers over Lapis skin and Lapis arched her back, fuck it felt good. Peridot scooted down till her butt rested on the tops of Lapis’ thighs right above her knees. Peridot looked at her like a science experiment, for some reason it turned Lapis on to be looked at with a curious gaze. Peridot reached down and caught Lapis by surprise she spread Lapis’ lips apart with two fingers and looked down as if she was searching for something. 

What is she doing? Lapis thought but thoughts were hard when she was being examined by Peridot. Spread open. 

“Lapis…tell me. What are we?” She asked again. With Peridot’s other hand she pressed two fingers onto her clit and Lapis gasped and thrust her hips forward as Peridot toyed with that sensitive bud of nerves. 

“What do you want us to be?” Lapis asked her hands went up to her breasts and she couldn’t resist touching herself. Her fingers rolled around her own hard nipples flicking the pebbled brown skin. God, how did Peridot do this to her? “I don’t know. I want to be with you. Just you and I want you to be with me just me.”

Peridot let go of Lapis and moved off her and down, she positioned herself between the Lapis thighs. Lapis spread her legs giving Peridot better access for whatever it was she was planning. 

“Ask me what you want to ask, Peri.” Lapis moaned she couldn’t contain herself and kept one hand on her breast and the other she knotted it Peridot’s hair. She had a feeling she knew what Peridot wanted to ask. She wanted the other woman to ask it though, if she said it, it wouldn’t be the same. 

“Ahem,” Peridot coughed she leaned down and gave a light kitten lick to Lapis’ clit. “Shit!” Lapis cried out. Peridot looked up into Lapis’ eyes, “Lapis, will you go out with me?” 

“Duh,” Lapis replied breathy in her response. “Now, please fuck me.” She so needed to be fucked, right now. Right here with Peridot in between her legs with the tongue so close. 

“What is this?” Peridot placed a kiss on Lapis’ clit. She can’t be serious? Lapis looked down at Peridot, oh lord she is serious. Lapis began to laugh the moment lost and Peridot frowned. “I’m serious, Lazuli. What is it?” Lapis couldn’t answer she was too busy laughing one hand on her stomach and the other covered her mouth trying to hide the laughter. Fuck Peridot didn’t even know what a clit was? Jesus, what else did she not know? 

“I guess if it’s not important I’ll just leave it alone.” Peridot teased. She knew it did something but she didn’t know what it was. 

“No! Wait…” The laughter died down into small fits of giggles. Lapis sat up to look at Peridot. “It’s a clit. It’s the female pleasure center. It feels amazing when you touch it.” Lapis ruffled Peridot’s messy blonde hair in a fond loving way. “Didn’t you like it when I touched yours?” Peridot’s face flushed and she buried her face in-between Lapis’ legs. She used her tongue to toy with Lapis clit. 

Peridot pressed hard into that bundle of nerves and Lapis put both of her hands in Peridot’s hair and pushed her down further. She needed everything Peridot could give her. If she had less self-control she’d fuck Peridot’s face forcing Peridot to pleasure her how she wanted. But she was patient. Peridot sucked in her clit and suckled. “Peridot, fuck, Peridot!” Lapis moaned losing it. 

Peridot snaked a hand around Lapis’ leg and pressed the tip of her finger to Lapis’ entrance. Lapis knew she must be soaking with the way Peridot slid so easily into her with a single finger. Lapis dug her nails into Peridot’s scalp. Peridot sucked hard on Lapis’ clit she fucked like a pro. Peridot fingered her pumping her finger in and out while sucking on her clit like it was a lifeline, her only air source. 

It didn’t take long before Lapis was so close, how did Peridot bring her to an orgasm so quick. She started crying out. “Peri!” Lapis finished in one last scream. Her thighs tightened around Peridot’s head and her clit pulsed, it throbbed in her pleasure. Her inner walls squeezed onto Peridot’s finger urging it further in, milking the digit. 

As Lapis came down from her high she released her death hold on Peridot’s hair and then eased her thighs back open. Peridot sat back on her heels and took in deep breaths. Lapis could see Peridot’s hand shaking. Lapis grabbed Peridot by the back of the neck and pulled her into a heated kiss sucking on her tongue. She wanted to taste herself on Peridot’s tongue, she sucked on Peridot’s tongue trying to get every bit of her own flavor from her girlfriend. 

Lapis let go and Peridot almost fell backwards on but Lapis caught her and dragged her back down on top of her. Lapis wrapped her arms around Peridot, “My girlfriend is really good at eating me out.” Lapis said and she watched for Peridot’s reaction. Peridot flushed with color up to her ears and buried her face in-between Lapis’ breasts.   
“You’re mortifying, Lazuli.” Peridot mumbled from her spot between Lapis’ supple breasts. “I’m going to die of shock.”


	16. There's always something different going wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis sees someone from her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all knew this was coming. :( 
> 
> "There's always something different going wrong  
> The path I walk's in the wrong direction  
> There's always someone fucking hanging on  
> Can anybody help me make things better?"
> 
> I like the acoustic version for this chapter but the regular works too.

After a little bit Peridot got up and redressed saying she’d be right back. Who knew what her little blonde was going to get into now. She had a feeling she’d confront Jasper. Try to yell at the large woman. Lapis wished she could stand and watch her girlfriend yell at a woman who was twice her size. But now that Peridot was hers, really hers she would give the blonde her space. 

Lapis stood up and quickly dressed grabbing a pair of old jeans that had holes ripped into it and a tank-top. She wished she could lay in her makeshift bed all day naked with Peridot in her arms. But she was being forced to go to some event as a member of the swim team. Afterwards she’d come back and ravish Peridot all over again. Lapis smiled that would be fun.

The door to her room was yanked open and Peridot came back in her face flush and bright red. Something embarrassing must’ve happened to her, now Lapis was really annoyed she missed it. Seeing Peridot flustered like that always made her heart flutter. It was cute the way her pale cheeks would brighten and the tips of her ears would flush. 

“You’re back!” Lapis smiled greeting Peridot. She had to resist starting something again, pulling her girlfriend into a kiss and then into something more. 

“Yes,” Peridot said she was still reeling. 

Lapis’ grabbed her jacket from the back of her door where it hung, her Beach City College team jacket. “I forgot to tell you, I have to go to this sports meeting today. Some high schoolers are coming today to check the school out. All of the sports teams have to be there.” 

Lapis frowned, once again thinking about how much she rather be with Peridot. But if she didn’t go then she could be kicked off the team and then she’d never seen Peridot again. Lapis promised herself when she got back it would be a long night of cuddles and then something more. “I wish I could spend all day here with you.” 

“Wait! That’s today?” Peridot asked quickly going from embarrassment to panic. “Looks like I’ll be joining you.” Peridot replied, “I am also required to go, for a grade.” 

“Well go get your shoes we have to be there soon,” Lapis thanked whatever metaphysical force that controlled the fate of the universe. Peridot would be there, Peridot would be with her. It was their first time being together out in public, it was everything. 

“Yeah, of course.” Peridot ran over to her room to grab a pair of shoes. Lapis grabbed her own pair of blue converses and put them on. It wouldn’t be so bad to sit around if Peridot was in sight. 

*********************************************

Unfortunately Peridot’s table was behind her own and on the other side of the room. She was stuck with all the sports teams. Lapis turned to look at Peridot who had a pout on her adorable face. Lapis smiled, Peridot was something else. 

“Lazuli, pay attention!” Lapis turned back around to see her coach glaring at her. He had already reminded her three times to face forward and plaster a fake smile to her face. How could she face forward with an angel behind her? Didn’t he understand what was waiting for her when she got some alone time with her Peridot? 

“Fine, fine.” Lapis replied she kept her eyes glued to the doors in front of her where the high schoolers will be entering. Lapis sat down at the table and used one hand to prop her head up. She was dying of boredom. Her swim coach walked off to talk to the baseball coach. 

High school students flooded into the room going to various places. One came up to her and smiled. “Hi, I’m from Beach City High. How do you like the team here? Is the coach good? What do you specialize?” The questions overwhelmed her quickly and Lapis had to clench her hand into a fist digging her nails into the sensitive skin of her palm. It was too much, why was this girl asking so much? Fuck, her nails bit deeper into her hand. Come back, you’ve got to come back Lapis told herself. Peridot is right behind you she’s right nearby. You can do this. 

“The team is very nice and the coach is extremely helpful. He will push you hard but it’s worth it. He was on the U.S.A Olympic team. I specialize in the freestyle.” Lapis answered every question slower than the girl’s rapid fire. Each word measured and a test of her patience. It brought her to the edge to have people swarming around her and asking questions. 

“Thanks!” The girl replied cheerily she smiled then went to another table. Lapis sat down and pulled her phone out to check the time. Still another hour and a half of this stupid event. The sound of footsteps made her look up and her phone almost fell from her hands. Topaz, Aquamarine and Malachite stood before her. Aquamarine wearing that familiar grin a sick concoction of cockiness and cruelty. Every memory resurfaced every ounce of pain, every tear, and every scream. It was consuming her like a black slime she had to get out of here. She stood up and started to back away. She looked for exits, one in front of her blocked by Topaz. 

“Lapis, what a pleasure to see you again and doing so well here.” Aquamarine spoke in that British accent she had. She put a hand on Malachite’s shoulder digging her hand into it, “Malachite here is about to graduate, but I think I’ll home school her. Keep her close to me.” 

She’s throwing Malachite’s pain in her face and it was so obvious with the way her sister’s eyes were bleary. She was being hurt and Lapis had run away, she just left her. Lapis bit down on her lip. She had no choice she couldn’t keep both of them afloat she could barely do it for herself. No, you knew Aquamarine wouldn’t let you both go but if just you left you had a chance, she gaged at the dark thoughts. You left her, you abandoned her for your own safety. Lapis wanted to throw something to toss away the dark thoughts that plagued her by looking into her sister’s eyes those sad blue green eyes. You’re selfish, you only care about yourself 

“I am Peridot Diamond!” Peridot broke through those black thoughts and Lapis saw, really saw Peridot in front of her protecting her. 

“Am I supposed to care?” Aquamarine asked she looked annoyed. “Topaz, take care of this.” No, Topaz will crush her! She can’t let her beautiful Peridot suffer. 

“Stop this! Leave her alone.” Lapis hissed she was standing now and her fists were balled up. “Do not touch her.” Her voice surprised her it was harsh. She would fight tooth and nail for her blonde she would kill. 

“Oh my, do you have feeling for this? This child?” Aquamarine exclaimed and then covered her mouth to stifle a laugh. “Lapis you have really lowered your standards. Topaz as you were.” 

Peridot put her arms in front of her face and Lapis was ready to step in and take the hit. She would take the brunt of it. 

“Sorry, I’m late. I forgot the event was today.” Jasper said she held Topaz’s arm back. She had come from nowhere, a savior. “Don’t touch my friends bitch.” 

“So you are hiding behind a brute of your own. This won’t protect you, you thought you could get away from me, think again. Topaz, let’s go.” Aquamarine warned and Lapis knew she meant it. She’d be hunted and stalked just like before, everything was going to shit. 

Topaz grunted and moved away from Jasper following Aquamarine. Lapis looked up to see Malachite glaring at her, unrestrained hate in her bluish green eyes. “Malachite, I said it is time to go!” Malachite shot one last look at Lapis before leaving and it hurt worse if her heart was ripped from her chest. 

Words were being spoken but she couldn’t hear them clearly. Her sister saw her for what she really was a betrayer. She protected Peridot over Malachite. She made a choice and it was a clear line in the sand. She had tossed away years of love and kindness for what a woman she barely knew? For a blonde loser? She abandoned her sister for a good fuck? Hands were reaching for her and Lapis panicked. 

“D-don’t touch me!” Lapis pushed the offending hands away and ran out the front doors. The sound of her converse shoes hitting the pavement was all she could hear. She didn’t hear the shouts and yells of others as she pushed them out of the way. She needed to leave she needed to escape. She needed that bitter poison that burned her throat but more importantly her mind.


	17. Can't get these thoughts out of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis finds herself reliving memories from her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so we have a case of unreliable narrator. Lapis is drunk and having flashbacks. Obviously some of the things she is seeing are not there. If you can't remember what happened go to Chapter 21 of Are You Mine which is Peridot's side of the story. 
> 
> WARNING FOR RECALLING MEMORIES OF RAPE AND CHILD ABUSE.
> 
> "Oh, but your love is such a swamp  
> You're the only thing I want  
> And I said I wouldn't cry about it"  
> -This is the last time by The National

She didn’t know how she ended up sitting in the darkened school pool area with the only lights coming from the pool below. She had long since shed her converse and stuck her feet in the pool swirling the water with leisurely kicks. In one hand she had a bottle of whiskey. She took a long swallow. Shit it burned but god that’s what was so good about it. Lapis needed to feel that pain of her throat feeling like it was being stripped raw by the poison she drank. But fuck it she picked it, that’s what mattered. She didn’t drink some pussy shit like Aquamarine and her fruity drinks, she wasn’t Aquamarine. 

Why would she do this now? Of all the times to assault her it had to be now? That’s how it’s always been wait till Lapis felt high and good about herself then Aquamarine would come in and cut her at the knees till she crumbled like paper. Another long swallow, she wanted to get so piss drunk she couldn’t remember Aquamarine. 

It would take more than two bottles of Whiskey but fuck. It was all she could afford. She could’ve asked Peridot, her little blonde had money it was clear, by the things she had in her room. She couldn’t though not after she ran away. Not after she had to run from the pain. Staring at the pool she remembered more than she wished. 

Aquamarine was pulling at her again while she was trying to help Malachite with homework. Aquamarine never helped with anything that involved more than fucking. Lapis was busy showing Malachite how to go through the problem step by step, she was good at math. No genius but she understood it. ‘Lapis, get over here.’ Aquamarine demanded. She always told never asked. Lapis looked over her shoulder to see the small black haired woman standing there with her arms crossed, but those dark eyes were glazed over in lust. Lapis purposefully wore baggy clothes; she wore stuff that hid her figure. Any sort of deterrent she had even chopped all her hair off. Aquamarine had beaten her bloody for that, ‘if I wanted to fuck a boy I would.’ Lapis patted Malachite’s hand and stood up walking over to Aquamarine, Lapis had long since grown taller than the smaller woman. How was it she was so much bigger yet felt smaller than an ant? ‘I want you in my room and ready,’ Aquamarine snapped. Lapis didn’t try to argue, arguing just prolonged the pain. So she trailed into the spare bedroom the room she was raped in on a daily basis. She took her baggy shirt off and placed it neatly on a chair set in the corner for that purpose. Next went her sports bra and then her sweatpants and boy shorts. She sat down on the bed completely naked, waiting for Aquamarine. Aquamarine walked in but she had Malachite trailing behind, Malachite had her head down and her eyes glued to the floor. She was apparently privy to information Lapis had missed. Lapis clenched her thighs shut and went to cover her breasts when she got a dirty look from Aquamarine. She let her hands fall back down to her sides and bit down on her lip. ‘Malachite is going to learn a few things from you tonight.’ Aquamarine announced she pointed to the chair that had Lapis’ clothes hung over it. ‘Sit down Malachite and watch.’ Malachite sat down and stared at the lamp in the corner. Aquamarine climbed onto the bed and her lips crashed against Lapis’. 

“Ugh! Get out of my fucking head!” Lapis cried out she shook her head and kicked her feet against the side of the pool. It brought her back to the present, pain always did. She drank down the whiskey not stopping until the bottle was bone dry. She needed every drop like a fish needed water. Of all the awful memories she had, that had to be the one. The first time Malachite watched her, the first time her sister witnessed the rape. “Fuck you!” Lapis threw the bottle and it crashed against the bleachers shattering. “Fuck…fuck you…” She was sobbing now and her hands were bawled into fists wiping at her eyes. “I hate you, I fucking hate you.” 

A mantra she told herself every day, hate her, hate her, never be her. How many times would she end up like this screaming at the past? How many times could she drink herself numb before it killed her? Lapis popped open the other bottle and decided to start walking back home to her dorm room. She couldn’t stay here forever and all it did was illuminate memories. 

*******************

It took more effort than she would’ve thought to get back home all the while drinking from her bottle of whiskey. She made it to the door and fell against it a little before she managed to get it open. She almost fell and braced her hand on the side of the door. Someone was in her room. Someone was sitting on her things. Someone had her stuff in their hands. Blonde hair, she liked blondes. “Babe, what are you doing here?” She slurred her words and stepped further into the room almost falling. Blonde like Malachite! Is it Malachite? “Were you waiting for me?” 

The blonde woman stood up, no not Malachite too short. Short…no. A hand reached towards her. “Don’t touch me!” She hated her, fuck her. Aquamarine, fuck her. “Don’t fucking touch me!” 

A soft voice a nasally voice “Lapis, I think you should lie down.” 

Blonde woman, short, Peridot! It was Peridot. Of course. Why did Peridot want her to sit down? This was the time to get up to do something. “I think you don’t know what I need.” Lapis sat down on the edge of her desk and took a long swig from her bottle. 

“Lapis, please just stop.” 

How fucking dare someone try to tell her to stop? Did they have any idea what she’d been through? Fuck, she’d been raped since she was 13. She needed this. She looked across the room and Aquamarine smiled back at her ‘The apple doesn’t fall far’ She taunted in that stupid British accent. Lapis threw the bottle at Aquamarine and it shattered breaking that bitch to pieces. 

But someone was still there. “Just go!” Lapis cried out and she hopped off the desk and charged the person. “I said go.” 

“I won’t leave you.” 

Malachite used to say that too, where did it get her? “You should run, go hide.” Lapis warned. Hide Malachite run and just go. Leave like she did.

Lapis reached out and trailed her fingers across a soft pale cheek and down a pointed chin before gripping it tight. This wasn’t Mala, who was it? I’ll make you move. I’ll make you hate me. Lapis leaned forward and placed a bruising kiss to the stranger’s lips. Isn’t that what the stranger wanted? A kiss a fuck? Something quick and easy? 

“Why don’t we go to bed?” Oh so it is a fuck they want. “It will make you feel better.” 

Lapis eyed the blankets and pillows on the floor good enough. She tightened the grip she had on that pointed chin. “That is a good idea. Take your clothes off.” 

“Lapis, you’re drunk. Just stop.” Don’t change your mind now. She dug nails into hat soft flesh. God it felt good. 

“Shut up, do what I want or I will find someone else to fuck.” Why wouldn’t this stranger fuck her? Everyone else wanted to. She looked closer at the face in her hand. Blonde hair, freckles, Peridot. Peridot had turned her down, rejected her. No, not today. “I could call Jasper she never turned me down. Do you think you really have the option to turn me down? Someone like you?” Ha, Peridot really didn’t have the option to refuse a fuck when it was offered? How many offers did she get? None. 

“Fine.” 

She won, for the first time she won. This was her choice and no one could take her choice away, not this time. Creamy white skin was revealed slowly with the removal of each article of clothing. She wanted to bruise that skin to make it hers, all of it. A hiss of pain. 

Pain, no. Fuck, she didn’t want to do this. She couldn’t do this. She wouldn’t she couldn’t. What happened was it Topaz? Did Malachite piss her off and she got hurt again?

“Oh…oh no…” Small voice like a child. Lapis kneeled down in front of Malachite she turned her around, the skin color was all wrong but she was hurt just like Mala used to be. Lapis sucked in a breath at what she saw, glass shards digging into pale flesh. “Lay down on your stomach, on the bed.” 

Lapis left the room and grabbed some Band-Aids and other medical supplies. She had to hide them when Aquamarine came back. They weren’t supposed to take care of each other. She leaned down next to the hurt woman on the bed. 

“She used to hurt me like this…” Malachite why did you make Topaz mad? “This might hurt,” Lapis warned she had to get the glass out and she did but it came with cries. Lapis placed one hand comfortingly on naked flesh back rubbing circles in between shoulder blades. “There is only a little more, Mal.” Lapis whispered softly. 

Lapis worked on pulling more and more glass out, until she had finished. “All done with that part, now to clean it, she’ll just get mad if it’s infected.” Lapis squeezed some antiseptic cream into a gauze pad before rubbing it into the wounds. Aquamarine refused to let them help one another but if anything resulted in a doctor’s visit there would be hell to pay. The leg she was working on began to kick so she held it down. 

“We are almost there, I have to hurry. If she comes back and sees me helping you I’ll get punished next.” Lapis whispered she quickly applied bandages to the injured skin. Aquamarine can’t catch her. 

Lapis sat back down next to Malachite “I promised to protect you. I meant it.” Lapis laid down next to her sister and took her hand. “Malachite, I won’t let her hurt you again.”


End file.
